Miracles and Accidents by Sammi M.
The woman, Marta, smiled with such radiance that if the room hadn't already been bathed with an ethereal glow, it would have shined with a light ten times brighter. As she stood, her long, black, flowing curls cascaded down her back and her deep-blue eyes crackled with a barely contained fire. "Thank you, Scott."
Scott bowed his head in acknowledgement and held the door for her to follow. "He seems a bit disoriented, but that's to be expected."
"Reading my mind again?"
"No, I just knew how much his return was weighing on you and I wanted to allay your fears as soon as possible." They stopped at a rather ornate door. "Do you think ? Will he want to stay?"
A soft laugh like tiny bells drifted from her as she caressed the young man's face. "Now that seems to be the question of the moment. He'll do whatever is in his heart as he should and we will accept it as we should." The radiant smile returned. "Go and gather the others. They'll want to see him and spend as much time with him as possible. Tell them I'll bring him along shortly."
She watched as he headed in the opposite direction and slowly opened the door and entered.
Twin orbs of blue settled on her before she had made more than a couple of steps into the room. The briefest touch of recognition swept over the beloved features, but it faded rapidly to be replaced by an insatiable curiosity. "Hello."
"Hello. How are you?"
"Fine, I suppose, though I'm a little confused here."
"Do you remember your name?"
"It's Blair. Blair Sandburg."
"Do you remember anything else?"
His forehead creased in thought, "No."
"Do you remember your coming here?"
"No. When I first awakened, I thought I did, but now it's all a blur. Everything's a blur."
"Are you afraid?"
"Surprisingly, no. You would think since I can't remember anything outside of my name I would be, but I'm not. Why doesn't this bother me? Why can't I remember?"
Marta quietly floated to his side and rested her soft hand on his still slightly damp forehead. "It's okay. Everything will all come back to you soon enough. As for why you're not afraid, there's nothing to fear so there's no reason to be." She helped him sit up and then sat beside him grasping his hand. "I've been waiting for you to return."
"I've been here before?"
"In terms of how you see things, it's been twenty-nine years. For us, it's only been a moment. But still enough for us to have missed you."
Blair shook his head and locked his confused eyes onto hers. "I don't understand. How could I have been here before so long ago and yet be the age that I am?"
She stood and held out her hand. "Take a walk with me." The young man hesitantly took the hand held out to him and carefully left the bed. As he looked down at himself and saw the clothes he was now wearing, his confusion increased. "Don't worry. It'll all come back to you in a moment."
They left the room and walked down the hallway of breathtaking gold and white. Blair tried not to stare at the glorious things around him, but it was hard. Finally, he had to stop and ask, "Where am I? This almost doesn't seem real."
"Probably because for you, right now, it isn't. Does anything look familiar yet?"
He shook his head and glanced out the window at the myriad of children and adults of all sizes, shapes and colours who joyfully walked the gorgeous land. "Is this heaven?"
Marta glowed and he almost took a step back. Almost. "Our own little part of it, yes."
"Are you an angel?"
"That's one of the things we've been called throughout the ages."
"Since I'm here, does that mean I'm an angel?"
"One of the best when you're in our form."
"Then why can't I remember any of this? If this is where I'm from, shouldn't something seem familiar?"
The woman wrapped the shaking child in her arms and gently caressed his quaking back. "After a sudden return, there's always a moment of confusion and disorientation, but it soon passes."
Blair pulled away and wiped at the tears falling down his cheeks. "But how long is soon and how much time is a moment? Are we talking minutes, hours, days, weeks, years? How long do I have to walk around here in darkness?"
"I can't really answer that for you in a way that you'll understand. Time, as you know it, isn't a tangible concept for us; it's not natural."
"So, basically what you're trying to say is you don't know when I'll remember. You're as much in the dark about this as I am."
She gifted him with an angelic wink, "I see being mortal didn't help your patience any."
"Well, I wouldn't say that. A few years back, I studied with this tribe that did things by feelings. If the wind felt right, they'd go out hunting and they'd catch enough to keep them until the next time it did. I had to rely on my patience a great deal to stay with them and I learned a lot. I " He gasped. "I remember my studies and my travels! One minute there was nothing and then there was everything!"
"Calm down, Blair." Marta kissed the hand that had suddenly come alive. "I told you it could be like that and that you had nothing to fear." She looked into his soul. "Has anything else returned?"
He thought for a moment, but soon he was shaking his head in defeat. "Nothing more, but this is good, right?"
"It's very good." She pulled him along behind her as she floated to a door at the end of the hall. They stopped before it and watched as Blair stood in awe of the exquisite work of art. Marta had always loved this door more than all the others and she was glad the child beside her continued her love. "Wise One, it's time for you to meet with the Others. They have missed you almost as much as I have and they wanted to see you as soon as they could. If you're not up to this, they'll understand though."
"No, it's fine. Maybe the sooner I see them, the sooner I'll remember." His hand reached out to grasp the handle and stopped. "You'll be with me? You won't leave me alone with them?"
"I'll be right beside you. I won't leave."
Blair graced her with a smile to light the heavens and turned the gold knob. As he pushed the door open and walked in, he was struck with such a feeling of wonder that he almost couldn't move. Marta's gentle hand guided him further into the room and into the waiting arms of men, women and children, similarly dressed like him in various shades of gold, with welcoming smiles.
Every greeting welcomed him home and every face shined with love. He couldn't believe he'd ever forgotten this and then he hadn't. In the space of a twinkle, he knew everything and the light that he couldn't contain burst free. He *was* home.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Blair watched the play outside of his bedroom window and laughed at the antics of the young ones. A part of him wished he was there with them, but he knew their play wasn't for him until his decision had been made.
Earlier, he'd ventured out of the house and onto the grounds. He'd been amazed at the things he'd seen and the splendour that surrounded him. The tiny streams that ran on either side of the house flowed with clear, cool water that revitalised him when he took a sip. The sun shone brightly, but it didn't raise the temperature or make things unbearable. Every colour and type of flower filled spaces and complimented the grounds as if an artist had taken his brush and placed them there. Ripe fruits and nuts hung from the various trees and Blair couldn't resist tasting a few and then there was the laughter. Every time he'd turn around there would be something else to take joy in and it seemed his family agreed because the wind, with all its sweetness, was filled to overflowing with it.
When he finally returned to his room, he did a quick inspection of himself as he prepared for the gathering to happen later. Gone were the scars he'd accumulated over the last few years hanging with Jim and
*Oh, God. Jim.*
The day seemed to dim as he thought of what his friend might be going through right now. Because he was so newly returned, he hadn't been allowed to see what was happening wouldn't be allowed to see until his choice was made. It was supposed to make things easier for those assigned to long-term assignments - abruptly returned - so nothing back there could influence them. But, it was harder for him.
Even before the door closed, he knew she had joined him. Whether by the rose scent that was all her own or the light sounds of bells that followed her around, he knew. "Hello."
Marta laughed, "I seem to remember us having this conversation before. So, in the spirit of things, how are you?"
"Much better than I was. I'm still amazed that I ever forgot this place."
"Why do you question it? You know it's a natural process for us when we go there so we don't miss what we had so much that we can't complete our jobs. Only those chosen for short-term assignments know who and what they are because they usually only come into contact with a limited amount of people."
"I do know all of that, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept." He sighed and turned back to the window.
"Are you having trouble accepting here or what you left there?"
"What difference does it make? I'm still no closer to my decision - and my moment draws closer." Angrily. "It doesn't seem right that an angel should be confused, but I am and I don't know what to do."
She sat beside him and tried a little comfort. "Are you unhappy here? Is there something that displeases you about being home?"
Blair shook his head making his curls look alive. "Of course not. This place is perfect. It's everything I knew it could be and then some. My eternal family is here and the love is astounding."
"But?"
"But, Jim's not here."
"He means a great deal to you."
"He's the other part of my mortal soul and I just don't know if I can accept leaving and forgetting him." He looked deeply into the eyes so like his own. "I know it's for our own good to forget our mortal lives so that we can truly be happy here, but he means so much to me that to forget him would be like forgetting myself."
Marta smiled at the child and shook her head. "Then where is the problem?"
"You. And the others. I don't know if I could leave you again."
"And that's a problem because? . Wise One, you're not living up to your title."
"I don't understand."
She took his face into her hands and caressed the soft cheeks tenderly. "We have been here and we will always be here. There's no beginning or ending for us only continuation." Knowing what still held him back. "You know where your heart and duty are; I can't keep you from that no matter how much I want you home. I can't say I wouldn't love it if you were here, but I can say you *know* who needs you most."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<As if on trial, Blair stood before an older man seated at a large desk.
"What was your purpose for being sent there?"
"I was to help someone understand the gifts he had been given as well as touch the lives of several other individuals concentrated around the one I was supposed to help."
"Have you fulfilled your duty?"
"To a point."
"Explain."
"I've shown him enough that he can cope, but there is still so much more he could accomplish with my help."
"In the strictest sense of our duty, have you fulfilled your assignment?"
A slight hesitation, "Yes."
"Then you are ready to return home. Let it be known that "
"Please. Before you make anything official, I'd like to make a simple request." He caught the eye of Marta seated in the stands behind the man and found strength in her smile. "I would like to remain with the one I was originally assigned to."
"Why? You've done your job; there shouldn't be any more to it than that."
The young man suddenly came alive with hands narrating every point and all of the inner-light he'd been holding back breaking free. "That's where you're wrong. There is *so* much more to it than just my job. The feelings alone are enough to make me want to go back. He is such a part of me that just knowing he'll be there is enough to get me through any situation." Taking a deep breath. "We have a bond that just can't be forgotten, nor should it."
"But, don't you remember the things you experienced before your return?"
"I remember everything."
"And yet, you want to go back to the pain and suffering and fear? Here, you don't have to worry about any of that."
"You make it seem like that was all there was to it. It wasn't. Just like here, there was joy and happiness and friendship and love. Different kinds granted, but still the same feelings."
"What about the pain you experienced from the one you were assigned to?"
"That was unfortunate, but it was something we had to go through in order to grow. I wasn't the only one who suffered; my actions caused him pain as well."
"Are you sure you'd be welcome?"
"No, but my request isn't dependent on whether or not he'd want me back there. It's based on his need of me to be there for him. No matter what has gone on in the past, I can't turn my back on that." He moved closer to the table. "One of the first things we're taught here is our sense of duty. It is ingrained in us that we must complete the assignments we're given to the best of our abilities. Though I've helped him a lot, there's still so much more he can do with me by his side."
"Why do you think you're the only one who can do this? If need be, we could send someone else just as easily."
Blair shook his head at the lack of understanding. "There's no such thing as easy with Jim Ellison. There's no way he would just accept 'someone else'. He knows me and he did trust me." Tears glistened in his eyes and his hands fought the need to reach out in reverence almost beseeching. "I'm scared that no one else would be able to reach him again that he'd close a door off to the world and fall into the darkness that was in his life before." His voice trembled. "I'm terrified that once he fell, nothing would be able to bring him back."
"But, do you honestly believe *that* is enough to return? Are you willing to give up Paradise for uncertainty."
With no hesitation, "Yes."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Marta stood waiting for him in his room when his time to return came up. Blair had hoped to avoid this moment, but he knew it was unavoidable. Nothing in heaven or on earth was harder than saying goodbye to someone you loved especially when that person was the one thing that might have kept you there.
"I know this is hard for you, but I couldn't just let you leave without saying something."
He floated to her side and took her in his arms hoping to convey how much he was going to miss her. "As much as I need to be with Jim, I wish I didn't have to leave you." Fighting the sadness. "I'm sorry; I know this isn't easy for you."
"Nonsense. You're doing what's right. How could I feel bad about that?" She pulled back a little and tucked his wayward curls behind his ears. "Your plea greatly touched the Elder; he couldn't wait to tell me how blessed I was to have you."
Shaking his head, "As brilliant as he is, he got it all wrong. I'm the blessed one."
She kissed his cheek and pulled out of his arms directing him into the bed. "Your moment's almost here. We should be getting you ready." As she tenderly tucked him in, she couldn't help the one diamond teardrop that raced down her smiling face. "You shouldn't fight the sleep because that only prolongs the confusion afterwards. Just let it flow and lead you where you belong."
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you as well, but I'll always be here waiting loving you. Whenever you're ready, I'll welcome you home."
Blair tried to fight the pulling feeling as much as he could, but the caressing hands felt to good and he was so tired. Right before he drifted off for the last time, he managed a weakly whispered, "I love you, Mother."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Voices. Angry voices. Lots of angry voices. Jim's *very* angry voice leading the charge.
Blair fought hard to grasp what was going on around him but all he could tell was everyone was yelling about some kind of mix-up. As he looked around the room, he was shocked at the number of people in the tiny space and he couldn't stop the curiosity that had him questioning his being in hospital again.
He tried to raise himself up, but the heaviness in his body wouldn't allow the simplest of movements including a deep breath and he found himself gasping out the one name he was sure would make everything better, "Jim?"
Almost as if a switch had been flicked, all sound stopped in the room at the raising of one powerful hand. Light blue eyes drifted towards the bed and locked with pained dark blue ones.
The speed in which he made it to the bed amazed the rest of the assembled group. One minute, the imposing man had been arguing in the middle of them and the next, he had been cradling the newly-awakened young man everyone was so worried about.
What was more amazing was how gentle the larger one was with the smaller almost as if he were holding his most prized possession.
Those who knew Jim Ellison recognised that was *exactly* what he was doing and they cherished the moment. Those who didn't, accepted it for the simple beauty of two friends finding each other again.
Blair barely had the strength to keep his eyes open, but somehow he managed to wrap his arms around his Sentinel and hold on until his friend pulled a little bit away to see into his eyes. "How ya doing, Chief? You had us worried."
"I've been better." He managed a small grin. "So, what's all the racket?"
Before Jim could answer, one of the nurses stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Jim's arm. "We're sorry, Mr. Sandburg, but there seems to have been a slight mix-up with your chart."
Jim rolled his eyes. "That's what I've been trying to tell you for the last few minutes." He took a steadying breath and slowly lowered his weary friend back to the bed explaining the problem, "Somehow, they got your chart mixed up with a Gabriel Sand*born* and they were just about to prep you for surgery when I showed up and started yelling." He gave his friend a chagrined look. "Sorry about the disturbance, Chief. I guess I kinda lost it when I was trying to explain. All I kept seeing was you being in the middle of one hell of an accidental surgery on top of everything else and I went ballistic." He paused drinking in the sight of his smiling partner. "I'm just kind of glad it did happen though. You weren't responding to anything else and I was really starting to "
"I'm okay, Jim. It was good that you were yelling. With my luck he would have been in for a vasectomy."
"Well, if he can make a joke, I'd say he's definitely on the mend." Simon remarked as he moved to the foot of the bed. "Welcome back, Sandburg. Though I'll deny it later, you had me worried. I would have really missed you if you hadn't come back."
"Of course I had to come back, Simon. Who else would be here to keep you guys in line."
"I'm sure your friends will want to make up for lost time, but right now, the doctor needs to check you out." The nurse began to usher the large men out with promises they could return as soon as the examination was done. She and another nurse started fussing around their ward until another woman in a white lab coat walked in.
"So, I hear our sleeping beauty finally awoke to the threat of possible surgery."
Blair's eyes locked onto the dark-blue eyes of his doctor. "I had to. I really hate needles."
The woman's laughter reminded the young man of tiny bells and it caused her long, black curls to seem alive. "I can understand that. I don't much like them either." She checked him over and then grabbed his chart and made a few notations in it. "Well, from what I can see, you're a very blessed young man. Not too many people could survive what you've been through." She looked over one more thing before gifting him with a glorious smile. "If no complications arise, I can see us letting you go in a few days."
"Then I'll be out of here in no time unless, of course, I get scheduled for some more accidental surgeries."
The doctor stopped on her way out of the tiny room and turned back to her patient with a twinkle in her eyes. "But, Blair, as a very wise man once said, 'The hardest thing about a miracle is making it *look* like an accident.'" She continued out the door. "Welcome home."
The End
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