Back to the end of Baseball

Title: Glimpses: What a Mother Sees
Author: Sammi M.
Email: sammi4@earthlink.net
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Blind Man's Bluff and Crossroads
Series/Serial: It's About Family
Date completed: March 15, 1999

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone except Schuy, Brenda and anyone else you don't recognise from the series. The rest belong to Bilson, DeMeo and Pet Fly. "Baby Mine" belongs to Disney. The story is mine because who else would want it.

Now that the "Other Story Who's Name Shall Never Be Spoken Again Because of All of The Fits It Gave Me" is finished, I can move forward in this saga.

This one can sort of stand on it's own, but if you want background on it, you might want to read the other stories in the series. There are a few spots that tie back to those but only a few. Just know that Schuyler is Blair's adopted kid sister.

Private feedback is always welcomed.

For those of you whose machines or servers can't handle graphics and/or sound files, I do have plain-text versions of all my stories and of the site itself. The URL is http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Studio/1253/scenariosp.htm.

Naomi has always fascinated me and I've never seen her as cold or unfeeling or irresponsible and I believe she only perpetuates the flaky attitude when someone puts her into that role. So, I thought I'd show a few things from her eyes. Then, after this one, I'll get back into the family turmoil with Shiyoganai (what will be; it is inevitable).

So saying that, CAVEAT LECTOR: The relationship portrayed between Naomi, Jim and Blair is from my imagination and should be viewed as such. Also, don't assume that everything takes place in the same city or house.

Glimpses: What a Mother Sees
By Sammi M.

Thinking back over the last few weeks and all that had happened within her family, the ageless woman sighed. "I suppose it's time to mend a few things," she commented to no one but the air. "Just wish family problems were this easy to fix." She reached behind her and pulled forward a newer book, opening it and running her hands down the smooth linen pages. Almost reverently, she gathered the extra photos and started sorting them - chuckling at some and sighing at others.

Satisfied of her order, Naomi began to place the beloved pictures, letting the memories flow over her. *Isn't it almost funny how many things come back to you after so long.*

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"You're what?" The brown-skinned young woman demanded of her equally young redheaded companion.

"You heard me the first time, Bren. I said I was pregnant." Naomi smiled at her best friend as she tied her long hair away from her face. "What's the big deal? You have the boys and now I'll have a baby of my own."

"The big deal is that at least Pais has been there for our sons. I mean, granted, father of the year isn't his scene, but he has deliberately worked his plans around ours so that the boys at least know him. How are you going to manage that with *His* plans?"

"We're not. Nothing's changed. He's still going his way and I'm still headed mine."

"Oh, so you're not keeping it." Brenda released the breath she'd been holding almost from the time her friend had made her announcement. "You really had me going there. I was sure…"

"I'm keeping the baby."

"But, you just said he was going his way and…"

"And I'm going mine," Naomi interrupted. "That's true. It's just mine is going to be a little different than we envisioned. The baby's going to be fine without his or her biological father – she or he will have seven adopted fathers to guarantee it."

Brenda grasped her friend's hand. "He doesn't even know, does he? You didn't tell him."

For the first time, the smile that had graced the beautiful face faltered. "No, I didn't tell him."

"Why? Didn't you think he had a right to know?"

"Of course he did, but a baby wasn't in his plans."

"It wasn't in yours either but you're dealing with it."

The smile returned. "That's because I've had time to think about it and there's so much I can offer this child and so much I can get in return. I'm ready for this." Shaking her head, "Unfortunately, he isn't."

"Are you sure? He *could* surprise you."

"He could, but he won't." Naomi steepled her fingers and tried to explain where she was coming from to her best friend. "Look, what we had was fantastic in its moment, but that's all it was – a moment. We always knew our drummers were different and that we had to follow them. It's what made our time so special." Confident. "I don't have any regrets, Bren. Not a one."

"Okay," Brenda accepted as she moved closer to the taller woman. "So, what can I do? I mean outside of wetnurse, I'm pretty good at all of the other things with babies. My guys haven't complained."

The soft sound of laughter echoed through the small room as the women embraced. Naomi pulled slightly away and smiled down at her friend, "Could have something to do with Dylan being a little over two and Mac only a few months old. At those ages you don't know the difference."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. They're my kids – they were born knowing how to complain." Nodding towards the door. "Come on. I think we better start telling the others. If I know some of them, they'll want to start the celebrations tomorrow." Shaking her head, "Considering this group, this is gonna be a long and wild pregnancy – and, hey, we might even remember half of *yours*." She frowned as she tried to focus on an elusive memory. "I'm still not sure what happened through my second trimester with McCartney."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The tiny room looked like it could barely hold the bed, rocking chair and dresser that had been crammed inside it's four white-washed walls. The three items would have screamed "junk sale" if the soft shadows of candlelight hadn't seemed to cast them in the golden glow of their former glory. Every so often, the wind from the barely opened window would caress the curtains into allowing the moonlight to shine – adding its own touch to the almost magical feel inside.

But most of the wonder around her went unnoticed to Naomi as she peered down at the oh-so tiny bundle held securely in her arms. She was still enraptured after three days by ten perfect fingers and ten equally perfect toes, downy dark hair, exquisite tiny features and, most wonderful of all, blue eyes that held the depth of the ancients.

/

Naomi shook her head. "You didn't really see them. They were so deep for such a little person." Unable to hide her awe, she almost vibrated in her excitement. "It's like he has an old soul. I just know those eyes could tell tales."

/

Which meant that at that moment, Naomi's heart was having a very hard time of it. Nothing she'd done had stopped him. She'd checked his cloth-diaper, put him to her breast and even sat in the rocking chair for a while, but still the crying had continued. Like any new mother, panic and fear were not too far away, but unlike most new mothers, her inner core of peace and quiet strength were able to hold them at bay a bit longer.

"What is it, my little man?" Naomi whispered. "What has you so upset? You were so contented earlier during your naming ceremony and now this. Did Mommy do something wrong? Are you picking up on something you don't like? I know this is your way of telling me you're not happy but I don't understand."

The newborn cries continued and Naomi moved quickly to the chair beside the window fighting back her own tears of worry. "Oh, Blair, I'm sorry. Whatever it is, I'm so sorry. I wish I could…" The words stuck in her throat as she pulled him closer gently rocking them both. Rubbing the velvety skin of her cheek against her distressed child's, she began to hum a song she couldn't remember ever hearing before and, yet, it flowed from her as naturally as if she'd been born knowing it.

As she continued to rock, the humming gently transformed into words that started to soothe the mother … as well as the child.

Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes

*Whatever it is, I'll make it better. As long as I'm breathing, I'll keep your tears at bay.*

Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine

*We'll always be together, Little One. Even when I'm not there physically, you'll forever be in my heart.*

Little one when you play
Don't you mind what you say

*I promise that you'll have the world as your playground and that you'll always be free to be whatever your heart desires.*

Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine

*I want your life to be full of so much joy and for your eyes to dance with all that life has to offer you.*

If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too

*You're gonna be such a little heartbreaker. Well, you already are. No one at the Naming Ceremony could resist you and those that held you, were irretrievably lost – just like me.*

All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for the right to hold you

*There'll be people out there who'll try to control your spirit, but they won't stand a chance against you once they get to know you.*

From your head to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows

*How can something so little – so small in the grand scheme of things – bring out such feelings of protection, happiness, hope and love in me? How can something no bigger than my arm mean the world to me?*

But you're so precious to me
Cute as can be, baby of mine

*You are my heart, My Precious One. Never doubt that.*

And as the last strains of the song floated on the wind, mother and child slept – safe in each other's arms.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Look at them," Brenda enthused as she watched the three little boys play near the water's edge. "Can you believe we gave birth to such energetic creatures?"

Naomi laughed as she took in the healing rays of the sunshine. It had been a hard spring for them all with their small group falling ill to a nasty sickness that had left them three short in their band of twenty – one of those being a child not much older than her Blair. She herself had been stricken, but she had been lucky – in more ways than one since her baby boy walked away untouched – and the disease had only weakened her and not killed her. "Today's actually a quiet day for them. I think they're giving us some recupe time."

Bren rolled her eyes and shuddered, "I wonder how much time they're gonna give us? It would probably be too much to ask for a week, huh?"

"Probably. I don't think they could hold out that long."

"Speaking of holding out, Mara got a message to me from Paisley. He's gonna meet up with us at the Pass and let me get Dylan and Mac back."

"That's great! I know how you and the twins have been missing them."

"Yeah," the smaller woman sighed. "In a way I'm glad Pais refused to let them go to the commune with us – they might have taken sick too – but I've really missed having them around and the twins have almost been inconsolable. Thank goodness for Blair. He's been our lifesaver."

"He is special." Watching her little one as he guided the slightly smaller boys. "I remember when I was sick - listening to his laughter - and how I held on to it. He's what kept me going."

The smile that had graced Brenda's face at Naomi's words slowly faded as her thoughts turned darker. "Poor Clara. I feel bad about being happy with our boys when I think about what she lost. Her whole life was wrapped up in Benjamin after Toby died. Now, she has nothing." She closed her eyes in the vain hope of stopping the tears, but they still managed to break free. "I can't help thinking what would have happened if we were in her place." Wet, fearful eyes lifted to those of her friend. "How could we have kept going if we'd lost them?"

Despite the warmth the sun radiated, a chill swept down Naomi's thin frame at just the thought of *one* day without her son. "Honestly, I'm not sure I would have been able to. I can't even think about something like that."

As if sensing the sadness that had fallen over the two women, the oldest of the three boys guided his charges back to the area where their mothers rested and plopped his wet, squirming body on top of the taller woman. "I'm tired."

"Well, that tends to happen when you play in the water for a little while," Naomi answered as she wrapped her towel-draped arms around her son. "Did you have fun?"

Long, curly, black lashes swept down to a silken cheek as a small yawn transformed into a contented smile as Blair nodded. "I thought it would be cold because it's so blue, but it wasn't. It felt so good that I had a hard time getting Devon and Patrick out of the water. They're just babies. They don't understand like we do."

"Understand what, Tigger?"

Wise eyes – beyond their years – locked into those of his mother's. "That too much of a good thing can sometimes be bad for you - that's why I have to watch them all the time. They need me."

Hugging the small body tighter, Naomi kissed the top of her son's curly head. "They aren't the only ones."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Naomi could only smile as she watched the energetic and sturdy little body work its magic on the withdrawn teenager in front of him. It took everything in her not to join in as the older boy finally broke from his shell and laughed at the silly antics of her son.

Shaking her head, her thoughts and actions returned to the job before her as she handed over another set of blankets and other supplies to the family in front of her. As she watched them return to the spot they had staked out in the auditorium, she couldn't help but to offer her thanks to whomever was listening for sparing she and Blair once more from the tragedy that had befallen so many around them.

Even though they had been headed in the opposite direction, Naomi had quickly turned around at the first mention of a disaster and people in need. She'd promised Blair they would continue their journey a little later and in his understanding way, he'd accepted his mother's urge to help. He'd given her his best smile and regaled her with all of the great things he was going to do for the people when they made it there and he promised that he was going to make tons of friends "cause when you were sad nothing made it better like having a friend".

The smile returned as she watched the teenager nearly fall over laughing at her son's continued actions. *Well, at least you're off to a good start. Keep working, Baby – only three or four hundred more to go.*

A tug on her arm caused her to turn to a freckle-faced woman of indeterminate years. "Hello, Lily. Finally get off of message duty?"

The look that Lily gave her friend was a mixture of sympathy, sorrow and support. "Who's watching Blair, Nay?"

Unconsciously, her eyes drifted to the spot where her heart played without worries. She pointed in his direction. "He's out helping one of the kids. You know how he is." With maternal pride, her gaze followed as several more of the children migrated towards Blair. "It's almost like he lightens up the lives he touches." When no agreement followed, Naomi turned back to her friend, both curious and fearful of what she had to impart. "Why are you wondering about Blair? What's going on, Lily?"

"We just got word from Bren." The slightly shorter woman gently pushed the elder Sandburg into one of the seats behind the table where she worked. "She's been trying to reach you for the last day or so and was just passing the news around when I told her you were here."

"It's not one of the boys is it? Last time I talked to her, Devon was getting over a nasty case of chicken pox. He didn't get worse, did he?"

Lily's eyes filled with tears as she shook her head, "It's not the boys. As far as I know, they're fine." She paused as she tried to pull herself together, but the sadness was still evident. "Bren said there was an accident … They think he fell as-asleep at the w-wheel. They didn't…" Her voice tapered off as the sorrow overwhelmed her.

Now, Naomi was almost frantic with worry even though her voice never raised. "Who? Who fell asleep at the wheel?!"

The other woman's mouth opened as if to answer, but for a long time, nothing came out. Lily finally managed to push out a whispered, "Kael."

All colour drained from Naomi's beautiful face and for a moment she seemed to almost collapse into herself, but something inside her wouldn't allow it until she knew everything. "Is he…?" Seeing the nod. "Oh, god." As the knowledge sunk in, a sudden more terrifying thought took up residence. "Leigh. What about her and the baby?"

"They were in the car with him." Lily shook her head. "Brenda said they think Kael died on impact and Leigh … Leigh died shortly before the rescue team got to her."

"What about the baby?"

"They managed to get to her, but … the doctors aren't hopeful." Grasping Naomi's hands, she tried to squeeze some of her strength onto her companion. "Bren said that the accident wasn't discovered for almost two days. The rescue guys said it was a miracle she's made it as far as she has. Bren s-said they had to re-remove Leigh before they could get to Schuyler."

At the last of her friend's words, Naomi lifted her head up and looked towards the ceiling as she tried to fight back the tears. A high-pitched squeal of delight had her turning back to the spot where her son now had an audience of children and teens enthralled with his storytelling. "Blair was so excited when Schuyler was born. He'd never seen a baby girl that young before. He thought she was so perfect and he never left Leigh's side the whole time we were there. I had to promise him we'd s-see them so-soon just to get him to leave w-with me." The tight hold she'd been keeping on her emotions gave up the ghost and the tears fell like rivers down her pale skin. "I've never lied to him, Lily. I promised him we-we'd see them again and now…" Her eyes begged her friend for help. "How do I tell him this? How do I explain Leigh and Kael - and may-maybe that precious little girl – are gone, when I can't even understand it myself."

Before Lily could respond, a small tug on Naomi's side had her eyes locking onto those of Blair's. "What's wrong, Mama? Why are you crying?"

For just a tiny second, a small part of the woman wondered how the child could have known something was wrong and made it to her side so quickly, but then the urge to hold on to the most important thing in her life took over and she drew him into her arms. "Oh, Blair. Oh, my sweet, sweet, Blair."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The last few months had been a whirlwind of activity for Naomi. She'd barely had time to deal with Kael and Leigh's deaths before she was moving herself and Blair back to be with the "family" near Cascade. She'd needed to be near Bren and the others to deal with the pain and loss of two of her most beloved friends and she wanted to be close to the baby who'd lost her whole world and was still struggling for her tiny life.

She and Blair had set up house at the Farm – though there was nothing agricultural about it and it resembled a mini-suburb complete with paved roads – where several of the "family" resided and it had helped with the grief that had threatened to overcome her. She couldn't bring herself to attend the joint funeral and had instead spent the day in the Paediatric ICU willing the little girl to fight. During the days after, she'd split her time between being with her son and being a reassuring presence for her "daughter."

Her daughter! Even after months of knowing what would happen if the baby survived, Naomi still wasn't sure she'd accepted the fact. She'd been honoured when her friends had asked her to raise their daughter as her own if something ever happened to them, but she'd never in a million years expected to find herself in the position. She'd never been willing to accept what it would mean to be the only thing holding that little girl to this life – she'd always wanted to believe that Kael and Leigh would be there for their daughter and that she would be nothing more than a favoured aunt. But now, those thoughts had been relegated to a forgotten fantasy and the reality was she was about to become a mother again.

Which left her in the position of how to tell Blair. For six years, her little man had been the centre of her universe – he'd never feared his place in her heart. But, in a few weeks – if the doctors were to be believed – that could change.

Of course not her feelings for her son – in her eyes, nothing could ever take his place – but Blair might not see things that way. Though little Schuyler would be leaving the hospital soon, there would still be a long recovery time ahead of all of them and a lot of her energies would be focused on helping the little girl bounce back from her injuries and acclimatise to the changes around her. Naomi didn't want Blair to think he'd been forsaken for Schuy, so she'd decided today would be the day to start helping him understand what was ahead.

As she watched him set out the bowls and silverware for their dinner, she couldn't help but picture her Tigger in a few years patiently guiding Schuyler as she set the table for the first time. He would be forgiving of her little mistakes and calmly show her the correct way of doing the simple task and she would look up at her big brother with such awe and love. When they were finished, they would turn to her with their happiest smiles and she would engulf her children in the biggest h…

"Mama? I'm finished," the little voice interrupted. "Do you want me to put out the juice?"

Naomi shook herself out of her wonderful dream and smiled at the big blue eyes staring up at her. "That's okay, Sweetie. You've done enough; I'll finish up."

Before long, mother and son were enjoying each other as they ate their meal. Blair was excited about the Farm's school and he was happily telling Naomi all about his adventures as he finished.

"For class today, we went out with the bigger kids and looked at plants and trees. Jerold said that by the time we're ready to move on to the next level, we'll all know every last kind in the woods. Isn't that great, Mama?"

Naomi chuckled, "That sounds wonderful, but I bet it won't take you as long as some of the others." She opened up her arms and the little boy gladly moved onto her lap. "You really like this school, don't you?"

"Yes, Mama. I get to paint and glue and draw and sing and dance and read whenever I want and all the teachers are happy cause they say I'm learning to be me." He shook his head sending his curls off on a wild dance of their own. "My other school made me take naps when I wasn't even sleepy." Wisely, "*They* didn't want me to be me cause they couldn't handle it."

The chuckle turned into laughter. "No they didn't and shame on them."

"So, since I like being me can we stay?"

The older Sandburg sobered, but kept her smile. "I was thinking about that." She stood with her son in her arms and moved to a rocking chair near one of the many windows in the living area. Once they were seated, Naomi turned Blair to face her. "What if I were to tell you we were gonna have to stay here a while?"

A look of pure joy settled on the small features, but his eyes seemed to search hers for more. "I'd say yay!" He wiggled a bit with excitement. "Then I'd tell Dev and Pat and we'd do our Chinook party dance that Blaise showed us and make lots of noise."

Naomi couldn't resist as she tickled the already squirming body. "That's Chinook *Celebration* Dance. And you three don't need any more of a reason to make noise." She kissed his forehead and waited for him to calm down. "Speaking of Dev and Pat, what do they think of little Nonie?"

"They say she's okay for somebody who only sleeps, eats, poops and cries." Blair wrinkled his nose as he looked up at his mother. "I was over there yesterday when Aunt Bren was changing her," he started waving his hand in front of his face, "and the smell! I thought we were back in the zoo! The twins had tried to warn me but I didn't want to believe that something that small could do a stink like that. It was hard to breathe."

More laughter filled the room as the woman nuzzled the smaller body close to her. "Well, other than the smell, how do they like her."

Blair cocked his head and thought about it for a minute. "They say she feels all nice and soft like their bunny and that when she's not crying, they make goofy faces at her to make her laugh cause it sounds good."

"What do you think of her?"

He shrugged, "She's okay, I guess." Wise eyes locked onto his mother. "Why?"

Naomi took a deep breath and met those eyes. "What would you say if I told you we were going to have a baby just like Nonie around?"

"Are you pregnant?"

"Blair!" To say the woman was stunned was an understatement. "Where on earth did you… How…?"

The boy frowned. "I'm not a baby, Mama. I hear things and I ask stuff or I go look it up. Just cause I'm little doesn't mean I'm not smart."

"Of course it doesn't! And I'm sorry if I ever made you think that. You are smart and just because you are little doesn't take any of that away." She took another deep breath. "And to answer your question: no, I'm not pregnant."

"So, how are we gonna get a baby?" Blair scrunched up his eyes and glared at his mother. "You're not gonna tell me stories of aliens or storks or cabbage stuff are you?"

Naomi shook her head in exasperation, "No I'm not, but later I am going to ask to whom you've been talking to and getting that nonsense from. I can't believe anyone here would tell stories like that." She watched as the small shoulders shrugged and a completely innocent look settled on the boy's face. "But, getting back to the subject at hand, you remember my telling you why we had to come back here?"

Blair nodded. "You said cause Uncle Kael and Aunt Leigh died and you needed to be with our family."

"That's right. That was one of the reasons." Though her voice didn't waver, her eyes filled with tears. "I did need to be with Aunt Bren and Uncle Darren and all of the other uncles and aunts, but there was someone else I needed to be near." She sighed. "Do you remember Aunt Leigh's baby, Schuyler?"

Again, the boy nodded. "She was so pretty and tiny – even tinier than Nonie. I wanted to hold her, but you said she was too small then, but you promised I'd get to hold her when she was bigger." Almost as if he was afraid to ask, he laid his head near his mother's heart and whispered, "Did she die too?"

"No, though we were worried she might, she wasn't quite ready to leave yet." Naomi hugged her son tighter and rubbed his back in comfort. "That's why I didn't say anything about her before now - I wanted to be sure she'd make it before I got your hopes up."

"My hopes up?"

"Um huh. You see, right before Schuyler was born, Uncle Kael and Aunt Leigh asked me to take care of their baby if anything ever happened to them just like I asked them to do for you. When they … died, I sort of became Schuyler's mommy."

"Cause she doesn't have anybody else?"

"Pretty much."

"So, that means we keep her forever and ever and nobody can take her away?"

"If the judge agrees, then yes – we get to keep her forever and ever."

Before Naomi knew what was happening, Blair sat back with the most beautiful of smiles and looked up at her with sparkling blue eyes. "My own baby?"

The Sandburg smile was back at full force. "Well, technically, she'd be mine, but I guess we could share if that's what you wanted."

The smaller body slammed back into hers wrapping his arms around her as far as they would go. "I get to have my own baby and you know what?"

"No, what?"

"Because she's mine, I won't even care if she smells."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

*Look at him. My little man trying his best to paint as much of the wall as he can reach.* Naomi chuckled. *Too bad his arm span means more paint on him than on the wall.*

As if reading his mother's thoughts, Blair turned to her and gave her one of those smiles that warmed her very soul. "Do you think she'll like it, Mama?"

"I think she'll love it just because you picked it out."

"Good. I like yellow – not as good as I like purple, but lots better than I like pink." He looked around the room. "This way she'll have the sunshine all the time."

*Oh, sweetie. She'll have the sunshine all of the time just because she'll have you.* "Okay, Little Man, let's say we stop for lunch and finish this up later when Uncle Darren gets off work and can help us with the high spots."

"Okay." He dropped the brush he'd been using into the bucket and walked over and grasped the hand his mother offered him. "Just as long as we finish it before my baby gets here. I want everything to be just as perfect as she is."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The little boy stood in his best suit staring wide-eyed up at the incredibly big man behind the humongous desk. "Do you understand why you're here, Blair?"

"Yessir. You're gonna tell me if I get to keep my baby."

The man nodded and looked down at the boy who stood his ground though it was obvious he was scared. "A baby is a big responsibility for such a young man. Do you really think you can take good care of her?"

Blair nodded sending his curls everywhere. "Mama says I take good care of her all the time. She says she wouldn't be able to do as much if I wasn't there to help her." He looked back to where Naomi and Schuyler sat and waved at the baby until a little smile crossed her face. "I help feed her and bathe her and I help Mama with her exercises to make her strong and I play with her and I read to her and I even let her mark on my papers even though the teachers don't like that so much." The people in the small courtroom laughed a bit at that and even the judge couldn't contain a small chuckle. "When she's sad or hurting, I sing to her all the songs Mama sings to me and when she's tired I hold her and let her fall asleep on me even though she wears cloth diapers. I even learned how to change her diapers – even the smelly ones!"

Again, the small gallery erupted in quiet laughter and the judge had to wait until they finished before he continued. "That's very good, Blair, but there's a lot more to taking care of little girl like Schuyler. You…"

"Yessir, I know," he interrupted. "I have to teach her things so that she won't get hurt and I have to protect her from all the bad stuff and I have to show her all the stuff that big brothers show their little sisters." He quickly ran to the seat where he'd been sitting earlier and grabbed a notebook and ran back to his spot in front of the judge. "I've been asking everybody what I could do to be the best brother for my baby and I wrote down everything – well, everything I understood – so that I could make sure I didn't forget nothing."

"Anything."

"That too. See." He opened the notebook and even from his place behind the bench, the judge could see pages filled with the little boy's childish scrawl. "I wanted everything to be perfect cause she's mine and she doesn't have anybody else and I love her."

The judge smiled out at Naomi and then watched as several people in the gallery wiped at something near their eyes before returning his gaze to the young man before him. "That I can see, Blair. Can you promise me you'll watch out for her and love her even when she does something you don't like?"

The little boy nodded solemnly. "I promise I'll love her just like my mama loves me, 'specially when she does something I don't like."

The judge started shuffling papers around his desk until he found the one he sought. "Ms. Daniels, I see your recommendation is that Ms. Sandburg be given full custody of Schuyler Kaelleigh Symmonds."

The woman stood. "Yes, sir. With the exception of one of our requirements which we set aside in light of the natural parents' request, Ms. Sandburg met our criteria thereby receiving our full recommendation."

A small voice piped in, "So, does that mean I get to keep her?"

The judge turned a stern look onto the boy. "I'm not finished yet, Mr. Sandburg. Please refrain from commenting until I am."

Bending his head slightly, Blair pseudo-whispered, "Yessir, but she's my baby and I want to keep her."

"I understand that, but there are certain things I have to do before I can…" His voice tapered off as he watched the small bottom lip quiver and the face fight off tears. The judge took a deep breath and sighed. "Oh, to hell with protocol – I can finish all the official stuff later." Looking down at the bowed shoulders in front of him he allowed himself to smile. "Blair David Sandburg, because of your dedication and love for Schuyler Kaelleigh Symmonds, I hereby grant custody of her to you – by way of your mom of course."

Watery, confused eyes raised up to look at the big man, "What does that mean?"

Shaking his head, the judge chuckled. "It means … you get to keep her."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Naomi tried her best to fight back the tears that threatened to fall as she looked down at the frail shell that was her son. Becky and Robyn, with sorrowful eyes, had told her to bring Schuyler and stay the night and she'd known they were giving them a chance to say goodbye.

*Oh, my sweet, sweet boy. How I wish this had never happened to you. How I wish I could have spared you all of this pain.* She grasped the still hand in her own. *But no matter what, I wouldn't have given up the time I had with you for anything.*

The small body in her arms started to squirm and she looked down into sad grey eyes. "Mama?"

Naomi pulled Schuy closer and kissed the top of the bald head. "It's okay, baby. I'm just telling Blair bye, so that he can go forward in peace."

"Blair leaving with no Schuy-baby?"

"Though we don't want him to, he has to. His body can't take much more and he's hurting." She tilted the small light-brown face up to her. "You don't want him to hurt any more, do you?"

The little girl looked down at her beloved brother and shook her head. "No. Don't like when Blair hurts." She turned a tear-stained face to her mother. "Say goodbye?"

Naomi nodded as her own tears fell, "Yes, baby."

Schuyler squirmed in her mother's arms until she placed her on the bed beside her brother. She reached out a small hand and caressed his face. "Blair's cold." She turned sad eyes to her mother. "Can I keep him warm, Mama?"

"I think he'd like that." The elder Sandburg helped her daughter get under the covers and tucked them both in. "He likes it when you're beside him."

Sleepily, the little girl wrapped her arm around her brother and cuddled him. "Don't worry, Blair, I'll stay and keep you warm and t'morrow we'll be okay."

<<<

Quietly, they walked into the room closing the door behind them and looking over at Naomi bent over her son. As they drew closer, they could see Blair wrapped in his sister's tiny arms. Both women thought their hearts would break at the sounds of tears coming from the child's mother … until they both realised at the same time the sounds weren't tears of loss, but something else.

Naomi finally realised they were there and she turned around gifting them with the trademark Sandburg smile before returning to the boy in front of her. "He's awake, guys. Blair's awake."

Becky was the first to break from the trance that had held her since she'd seen Naomi and moved closer to see what the other woman was talking about. She almost took a step back when her eyes met tired, blue ones that held the spark of life that had been missing in them for what seemed like so long. Her heart almost stopped when the boy gave her a pained grin and commented with a raspy voice, "Say, Becks… you look like … you've seen a-a ghost."

The young woman reached out a shaky hand and touched the pink cheeks that just last night had been grey with death. She shook her head as tears coursed down her face. "Not a ghost, Blair. More like a miracle."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

As Naomi made it through her front door with her purchases from the "Natural Market," she couldn't help but notice how her daughter's eyes, which normally were alight with greeting, seemed to completely avoid hers. *Uh oh. Something's up.* Being the kind of person she was, she knew she'd have the answers before the groceries were put away. Even though she hadn't known about *a* situation, her purchases would fit in nicely in finding out what was going on. "Sweetie, come and help mommy put up what she bought." Biting her lip and still looking everywhere *except* at her mother, Schuyler stood and followed.

Together, the Sandburg women managed to put everything away in a minimum amount of time with very little talk. That alone sent Naomi's "Mommy Radar" buzzing. *Time to bring out the big guns.* "Schuy, I have a surprise for you."

That caught the little girl's attention, "You do?" Schuyler's big, grey eyes scanned the room trying to figure out what she'd missed, but she couldn't see anything. "What, Mama?"

Reaching into her purse, Naomi brought out a plastic bag nearly bursting with grapes. As she watched her child's eyes fill with joy, she knew that putting her boycott of the fruit aside had been worth it.

"Grapes!" The little girl yelled happily. As she started to reach for them, a small shadow passed over her face and the joy abruptly died. "But, I thought you said we shouldn't eat them cause the sploytashun of the emgrant workers."

Though she'd known her children did listen to her almost constant monologues on the injustice of man, it still warmed her heart to have one of them adhere to her beliefs – even at the sacrifice of a beloved treat. "That's ex-ploi-ta-tion and im-mi-grant." She smiled as she watched the smaller head nod at the correction. "And, this time, I think we'll make an exception. You've been very good lately and you haven't gone along with more than half of your brother's schemes. I think that deserves a big reward." Naomi reached down and picked up her petite child and sat her on the island close to the grapes, hoping her plan would work. When the little girl made no move towards the fruit, she knew everything would soon be out in the open. "What's wrong, Baby? Don't you like grapes anymore?"

Schuy nodded, but kept her eyes downcast. "Love 'em."

"Then why aren't you eating them? I told you they're your reward. You earned these."

Tearful eyes raised to her mother's as she shook her head. "Can't have any cause …"

"Cause what, Schuyler?"

"He made me promise not to tell. He made me frog-swear and I don't want warts!"

It took everything in Naomi not to chuckle at the solemn words of her youngest, but finally she managed to answer without a hint of hilarity. "It's very important not to break promises, but even if you do, you can't get warts."

Schuy shook her head and her eyes grew bigger, "Oh, no, Mama. Blair said this swear had special magic and could give me warts."

The woman took a deep breath and sighed. In addition to the talk concerning whatever young Mr. Sandburg had done, she was going to have a nice little talk about his filling his impressionable sister's head with nonsense. "Schuyler, you trust Mama, right?" She watched her daughter's head nod enthusiastically. "Okay, so if I say you can't get warts no matter what kind of magic was behind the swear, you'll believe that I'm right?" This time, the little girl's head nodded a bit more reluctantly. "Good. Now, I know it's important not to break a promise and under any other circumstance I wouldn't ask you to do this, but I need to know what's going on with Blair."

Schuy's eyes wandered lovingly over the bag of fruit and she took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm sorry, Mama, but I promised and I don't want Blair to be mad at me. He's the only brother I got and if he can't trust me to keep my promise…" She left the last of the sentence unspoken and her little eyes begged her mother to understand.

Naomi was stunned by the refusal, but she decided it was best not to show it. Picking up the child and positioning her on her hip, she decided the only way she was going to find out what was going on was to go and confront the person in question. "Okay. I hear that, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to know what's up. So, how about we head to your brother's room so that I can get it from the horse's mouth?"

Mother and daughter quickly made their way down the long hall until they reached the last door on the right. The sounds of tribal drums and exotic harmonies floated through the door and it brought a small smile to Naomi's face as she thought how much her son was like her. Bracing herself and holding onto her centre in preparation for what she might see, she quietly turned the knob and stopped – her eyes growing wide – at the sight of him.

Blair had jumped to his feet when he saw the door opening and his mom's tell-tale red hair. When he noticed her eyes, he knew the gig was up and he glared at the child in her arms. "You told?!"

Coming back to herself and feeling the slight tremor of Schuy, Naomi quickly moved to correct the boy. "No, she didn't. That's why I came in here. What…?" She motioned toward his head. "What did you do?"

Running his fingers through his now short hair, he shrugged, "I cut it. No big deal."

"No big deal? As much as we went through to grow it back after the leukaemia, you just decided out-of-the-blue to cut off all of those beautiful, long curls."

Blair was starting to feel guilty and he didn't *want* to feel guilty – it was his hair after all. "It wasn't just out-of-the-blue! I decided that since I was twelve, I should start looking like a man. Men don't wear curls!"

"Oh, and what are you basing that theory on?"

"None of the men around here wear curls. Besides, my friends said they made me look like a girl."

"And do you plan on always following the mindset of your friends, no matter how silly and unjustified?"

The boy rolled his eyes and let out a deep breath. "Mom, it's not like that! It wasn't just my friends – they were only a small part of it. This was something I wanted to do. I thought it was time, okay?"

Though Naomi wasn't too thrilled at what he'd done, she still respected his right to do so. "I hear that." Recognising the phrase, tension flowed from both of the children as they waited for their mother's next words. "Still, I don't like the idea of you doing something like this without me knowing it and I don't appreciate your bringing your sister into it so that she thinks keeping it from me is the only thing she can do. That said, this weekend, you're going to volunteer to help Doc plant trees and draw maps of the area." Seeing the boy about to protest, Naomi held up her finger. "Want to go for two weekends in a row?" When he shook his head and closed his mouth, she continued, "And you, Little Miss, are going to help me clean Jenny's house from top to bottom. Since she's been ill, she hasn't been able to do it and she'll really appreciate having your extra hands around." She looked at her children. "Are we okay on this?" Both children nodded. "Okay, so let's go have a snack – all of this high drama has left me hungry and, for that, even I'll eat grapes."

<<<

Schuyler yawned as only a small child can and returned her mother's smile. "I'll get the bed all nice and warm for you."

"Oh you will, huh? Well, then, we'd better hurry back so that we can enjoy all of this warmth." She leaned over and kissed the downy cheek and then stood. She turned off the light and waited for a few minutes before quietly leaving the room and heading down the hall. Stopping in front of the same door as earlier, Naomi decided to knock before entering the young "man's" room. At the bid to enter, she walked in and again found herself staring at the sight before her. "Umm, Blair, what are you doing?"

The boy was sitting up straight and tall under the covers of his bed. "Getting ready to go to sleep."

"Oh, I see. Any particular reason why you've changed your sleeping arrangement?"

"Same reason I cut my hair." Pleading blue eyes hoped for understanding. "I'm the man of this house and it's time I started acting like it. That means I can't be a baby and sleep in the same bed as my mother and sister." Rather seriously, "There are just some things a man's got to do on his own and sleeping is one of them."

Realising that now would not be the time to start chuckling, and thanking her deity for blessing her with so much joy – no matter how zany – from her children, Naomi gifted her son with her most loving smile, leaned over and kissed him. As she moved back, she winked at him. "Then pleasant dreams, sweetie. I love you."

Blair returned the gift with his own smile of happiness, "I love you, too, Mom."

<<<

Shifting from one foot to the other nervously, the boy bit his lip before answering with his own whisper. "I was thinking this wasn't fair to you guys. I mean, we should probably do this gradually. I shouldn't expect you to accept it cold turkey."

Even through her sleepiness, Naomi managed a smile as she lifted the covers and opened up a space beside her. "I'm thankful that you thought about us." In no time at all, the boy was snuggled at her side and she couldn't stop herself from kissing the cheek nearest her. "You're right. We should do this gradually."

The sleepy voice of her daughter drifted up from the covers and added, "Just can't accept it cold turkey."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Schuyler was afraid. Though she had left school with her usual group of friends, the group of boys that surrounded them far outnumbered them.

"Look what we have here." The tallest boy sneered. "A couple of punks, some baby bitches and a nigger." The other boys thought this was funny and laughed, egging him on. "Looks like today isn't gonna turn out so bad after all." He grabbed for Schuy and yanked her toward him causing her to cry out in pain. "Anybody up for a little fun?"

"Let her go, Jeremy!" A voice yelled from behind the bullies. Before they knew what was going on, Blair and some of his friends had pushed their way up to the front so that he was staring the other boy in the eye. "Let her go or else."

"Or else what, Jew-boy?"

Blair threw down his books and jacket and moved into the taller boy's space. "Before I decide to not be so nice and kick your Aryan ass all over the sidewalk."

The other kids took a step back as a red-hot fury seemed to settle on Jeremy. In a matter of seconds, he had pushed Schuyler down and was grappling with Blair. Punches flew from both sides and the rest of the kids started yelling for their favourite combatant.

After several minutes of intense fighting, Sandburg let loose a powerful roundhouse that connected with a horrible crunch and Jeremy staggered back with blood pouring from his nose before he dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Blair waited for a few seconds to see if the bully was going to get up and when he didn't, wiped his own nose on his sleeve and reached down to pull his sister up. "You okay, Schuyler?" He asked in between breaths.

The little girl nodded and tried to wipe some of the sweat and blood from her brother's face. "What about you?"

"I'm okay." Turning back to the gathered crowd, he eyed each of the other bullies with a look of pure hatred. "If I ever catch any of you picking on my sister or her friends, I won't stop with just breaking your noses. I'll make sure they'll be picking up what's left of you for the next five years." He bent over and picked up the little girl. "Come on, Schuy, let's go home. I'm sure Mom's worried." He stopped and turned to one of his friends. "Philip, can you drop my stuff at my house later?" The other boy nodded. "Thanks. We can work on our project then."

Holding his sister tighter, Blair quickly walked the few blocks to their house almost groaning when he caught sight of Naomi's car.

"Are we gonna be in trouble, H.B.?"

He kissed the worried brow in front of him. "I don't think so. Mom's pretty fair – she'll understand I had to do this."

Both of them jumped as the door was frantically opened by their mother. "Where have you two been? I was just about to come looking for you when I…" Naomi finally caught a good look at her children. "Omigod, what happened?!"

Blair manoeuvred his way into the house trying to avoid the elder Sandburg's stare. "It's nothing." He lowered Schuy into one of the chairs and started helping her take off her jacket. "Just a little fight."

"A little fight! Blair David Sandburg look at me now!" He did. "Look at you. You call this little?! Your face is bleeding, you have the beginnings of a black eye and your lips look like they've been run over by a truck."

"I know it looks bad, Mom, but I'm okay. It really is nothing." Trying to calm things down he gave her a pained smile. "You should see the other guy."

Naomi didn't quite appreciate the humour. "I do not want to see the other guy and I don't appreciate your pride in this whole situation. You know how I feel about violence and I did not teach you to settle things with your fists – that's not what we're about."

"But, Mom…"

"Don't 'but, Mom,' me. You know how I feel about fighting and you know what the punishment is for it in this house. Go get cleaned up and I'll be up to discuss this later."

Blair took a deep breath and lowered his head in defeat. "Yes, Ma'am." Without a backward glance, he quietly trudged upstairs and closed himself in his room.

Naomi took several deep breaths and tried to find her centre until she felt a tugging on her shirt. Looking down at her eight-year-old her expression softened a bit. "What is it, Schuy?"

"You shouldn't be mad at Blair. He was…"

"I know what he was doing and *he* knows how I feel about that. Now, I don't want to hear any more about it. You start working on your homework while I get started on dinner." The little girl just stood there and pouted. "Schuyler, don't push me. It's not that much of a stretch to have *two* Sandburgs in hot water."

The little girl grudgingly grabbed her pack and sat down at the table. Naomi waited until she saw books and paper in the child's hands and turned back to go in the kitchen.

<<<

Finally, after several long minutes, she gave up and opened the freezer. Grabbing a bag of frozen peas, she headed into the dining room on her way upstairs only to stop when the small presence she'd been expecting wasn't there. Trying to ignore the surge of anger the disobedience caused, she resumed her trip up the stairs and stopped in front of one of the rooms. Her hand was all set to turn the knob when something in the conversation stopped her.

"I'm sorry, Blair. I didn't mean for you to get in trouble." The muffled voice of her daughter rang out.

"It's not your fault, Snip Snap. You couldn't help what happened."

"Yes, it is. You never would have gotten into that stupid fight if Jeremy hadn't picked on me and called me a nigger." A pause. "I shouldn't have cried out."

"That's nonsense! Of course you should have cried out – he was hurting you! He had no right to say what he did or to touch you, understand? So what if I got into a little trouble – that's nothing compared to what I would have felt if anything had happened to you." Another pause. "I love you and I don't care how many nights I have to go to my room and think about what I've done or fix up Mrs. Pratchett's house as punishment – as long as you're okay, I'll do it."

A rustling sound reached Naomi's ears. "I love you too, H.B. And I'm glad you kicked his Aryan ass."

Laughter, "Better not let mom hear you say that or we'll both be in the doghouse."

Naomi felt that was her cue as she opened the door. "Too late." If it had been any other situation, the woman would have laughed at the expressions on her children's faces, but instead she walked over to her son and placed the bag of peas over his eye and sat down beside him. "I heard everything."

Always the protector, Blair dropped the bag and jumped to defend his sister. "Don't be mad at her, Mom. It wasn't her fault. She heard me say that right before the fight and…"

The elder Sandburg reached out her hand and gently covered his mouth. "I'm not angry, Blair. In fact, I owe you an apology." She took a deep breath and allowed the proud smile she'd been holding back to break through. "I was wrong to jump on you without hearing what had happened and I'm sorry. I should have known you wouldn't have gone against our beliefs unless there was no other recourse. Please forgive me."

Before long, Naomi found herself with both arms full of her children and she couldn't stop her contented laughter at the feeling. After they settled down and the bag of peas had returned to the darkening eye, she couldn't help winking at them. "What say you guys we forget about dinner here?"

"What?"

"Yeah, I think we should go out and eat."

Blair was confused, "Why?"

"To celebrate how proud I am of my own special hero." She bent over to kiss the tip of his nose. "And, because I don't have to see the other guy. Where your sister's concerned, I *know* you kicked his Aryan ass."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Blair was tired. More tired than he'd been in a while. Not only that, but he was also late – he was supposed to have been home a while ago. The constant interviews with the faculty at Rainier had been a pain, but they were necessary considering he'd be attending the university in a few short weeks.

He hadn't realised how much he'd been looking forward to a quiet evening at home with his mother and sister until he'd walked into the door. He was preparing himself to be bombarded by questions when he noticed the quietness of the house. "Mom? Schuyler?" He called as he walked from room to room. "Anybody here?" When he received no answer, he returned to the front room. "Guess they went out. Though, usually Naomi leaves a n…" As his eyes alighted on the object in question, he quickly moved to it and snatched it up. "'Blair, I had to run a few errands, but I should be back soon. Can't wait to hear how things went. Turn on the oven for me when you get home and don't let Schuy eat any ice cream no matter how much she begs. Love you. Naomi.' Okay. So that explains that." He frowned as he read the last part over. "Why are you telling me not to let Schuy eat ice cream when she's with you? Unless, …" Blair's eyes darted around the room and soon he was searching the whole house. "Crap! Where is she?"

He headed outside to see if the girl might be playing there when he spotted one of the neighbours. "Mr. Davies," he called out. When the older man turned and saw him, Blair started over to his yard. "Sorry to bother you, sir, but I was wondering if you might have seen my little sister? She seems to have disappeared and I was hoping to find her before our mom returns."

Mr. Davies gave the younger man a helpful smile and motioned down the street. "I did see the pretty little miss when she was leaving with her friends. Couldn't miss her cause she was the only one in the group that spoke and asked how I was doing. Your mama's raised both of you right – she should be proud."

"Thank you, sir. I really appreciate your help and I know my mother will like knowing that." He turned and headed down the street and stopped, "Call over to the house when you wake up Saturday and I'll come over and mow your lawn."

The older man beamed as he watched the boy continue down the street. "Yessir, she raised them right."

After several twists and turns and stopping to ask his neighbours along the way for help, Blair finally found the group at the top of one of the hills staring down. He quickly made his way to the front of the group and looked to see what was happening.

His heart almost dropped as he saw his friend Gary and a couple of the older kids racing down the hill towards a downed bike rider – a rider with long, black, curly hair who wasn't moving under the twisted bicycle. Without thought, he started running down the hill all the while praying that it wasn't Schuyler and that she wasn't hurt badly if it was. By the time he reached the smaller group, they had already managed to extricate the girl and were checking her out for injuries. "Schuyler!"

At the sound of her brother's voice, the young girl turned a tear-stained face towards him and held out a bloody and torn arm. "Blair!"

The older Sandburg grabbed her out of his friend's arms and wrapped her shaking body in his own. "Snip, are you okay? Where does it hurt? Do we need to call an ambulance?"

Schuyler was so relieved to be with Blair she could only shake her head through the tears at first. "I'm sorry. I was so scared when it wouldn't stop. I kept trying to make it stop but it wouldn't. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, baby. I've got you now. Everything's fine." Slowly he stood with his sister in his arms and turned to head home. As he made the first steps, his friend Gary, moved into his line of sight. "What's up?"

"Man, I am so sorry I let her ride. I wasn't thinking…"

"You're darn right you weren't thinking! Whatever possessed you to let her ride that thing down 'Hell's Hill'?"

In the face of what might have happened, Gary ignored the angry tone and tried to explain, "She said she could ride a hill and I didn't have any reason not to believe her. I'd seen her riding her bike with you and your mom and I just assumed you'd shown her how to do a hill."

Blair was livid. "You just assumed! Well, you know what they say about assuming and right now I can't see a bigger ass than you."

"Now, wait, Blair. That's uncalled for."

Though she was still frightened and hurting, Schuyler didn't like how this was going. "He's right, Blair. It was my fault. I lied and told him I knew how to do it. Don't be mad at him – it's my fault."

The older Sandburg didn't want to hear it. "Hush, Schuy. This is between Gary and me." He turned ice-cold blue eyes onto his friend. "I don't care what she said, you should have known better. You shouldn't have taken her word for it! Little kids lie so that big kids will let them hang with them – you should know that with your own brother." He pointed down to the disfigured bike. "She could have been hurt really bad or worse. As it is, I'm gonna have to try to figure out how to explain this to my mom and hope and pray this isn't any worse than a messed-up arm."

Gary really didn't like the way this was going. His friend's tone sounded so … final. "Look, I know I goofed and I'm hoping it's not any worse. Let me drive you guys to the hospital, and…"

"No. Right now, it's probably best if you're not around me and I definitely don't want you anywhere near my sister." He started moving away from the small group that had gathered at the bottom of the hill. "Just go home, Gary. There's nothing else you can do here."

"Blair."

"Just go home, man."

<<<

"One broken arm, tons of lacerations and contusions and a mild concussion. You've set a new Sandburg record, Snip."

Schuyler sadly sighed. "I didn't want to."

"I know that, but I gotta ask what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't. It looked like fun and all of the other kids had tried it." A tear escaped. "At first, Gary didn't want to let me, but I kept bugging him about it and finally I told him that you'd taught me how to ride hills. He didn't have any reason not to believe me and so he let me ride it." More tears. "I don't think he knew anything was wrong until I started losing control and crying."

Blair shook his head. "No, he knew better. He knew if I'd taught you how to ride hills, I would have had you around when he and I did it." He took a seat on the bed being careful not to disturb her position. "He was being as irresponsible as he always is and this time it could have gotten you killed. I've shrugged off some of the stuff he's pulled with me in the past, but this…" He shook his head again, "This was you and that's something I can't ignore."

"Do you hate me?"

"What?"

Schuyler cleared her throat and asked again in a small voice, "Do you hate me?"

Blair reached up and smoothed the bangs away from her eyes. "Of course I don't hate you." He gave her a stern look. "Doesn't mean I'm not worried about you, though. Especially, now."

"Because you're going to be living at the university."

He nodded. "Yeah, and that means I won't be around all of the time to make sure you're okay." He grasped her uninjured hand. "I *need* to know you're going to be okay or else I won't be able to do this and I really want to do it."

Schuy squeezed back and gave him a half-sleepy smile. "I'll be okay and I promise I won't do anything like this again. You won't have to worry about me anymore."

"Sounds good, Snip."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Blair laughed as he watched his teenaged sister dance around the yard with a mop. He was glad he'd taken off this summer and joined Naomi and Schuy on this trip instead of going on that expedition. The warmth, the clean air and the laughter had been exactly what he'd needed and for once, he was sure he'd left all of his worries behind in Cascade.

He glanced down at his watch and realised it was getting late. "Hey, Snip, you wanna go with me to the grocery in town? Naomi wants me to stock up so that she won't be worried about what we're eating while she's gone."

The girl stopped in mid-twirl and grinned. "Did Mom say it was okay?"

"Would I be asking if she didn't, Butt-munch?"

"And what makes you think I'd want to be seen in town with you, Crud-wad?"

"Because it's either be seen with me or languish around here with no other audience than a mop that's had better days and the vultures who are eyeing your bones."

Schuyler laughed. "Eww, groady, H.B."

"Yeah, like gag me," he mocked. Blair motioned towards the car. "So, are you coming or what? I need to know so that I can get there and back before Mom leaves."

"Umm, did you bring Shelly's Beach Boys tapes?"

"Yeah, Snip. As much as it pains me to have a sister who adores The Beach Boys and dies if she can't find old eps of Lawrence Welk, I do try to bring stuff with me that I know you'll like."

"Cool. Let me just get my jacket. I don't want to go into town in just this." She looked down at her cropped halter and shorts. "Wouldn't want the local cops to arrest me for indecent exposure or something."

"Oh, be for real. You're completely covered and besides, they're kids' fashions and you're a kid. No one in their right mind would think anything of it."

"Okay, then. Let's go."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The room seemed so desolate with only the sounds of the various monitors filling it. The small, broken figure lay motionless in the bed staring at nothing. Grey eyes that had held so much life in them almost a month before, harboured death and nothingness in their depths.

The nurse sympathetically wheeled the young man towards the bed and quietly set the locks that would hold him in place. With gentle hands, she caressed his arms offering the support she knew he needed. "Can I get you anything else, Blair?"

A voice tinged with sorrow and pain and raspy with disuse finally questioned, "How long has she been like this?"

"From the time they brought her in. She's been totally unresponsive." The nurse bowed her head. "The doctors held some hope when she opened her eyes, but…"

"How badly was she injured?"

The woman looked towards the ceiling in the hopes of holding back her tears at what the small family had been through. "I really can't go into any details – that's for the doctors and they don't think you're up for it. Let's just say physically, she's doing a lot better."

"She was raped?" Though it was posed as a question, the tone had an air of certainty behind it.

"Yes."

"Umm … could you leave me here for a little while? I, … umm, really need…"

The nurse nodded as her hands sought out his quaking shoulders and squeezed. "Just buzz when you're ready to go back to your room."

After he was sure she was gone, Blair released the locks on the chair and wheeled himself even closer to the bed. He could just barely make out the faint traces of bruising around the girl's eyes and mouth. Forcing himself to look into those dead eyes, he couldn't stop the sob that worked its way out of his throat. "I am so sorry. Oh, Snip, I am so sorry.

"This is all my fault. I should have protected you better. I should never have asked you to go into town. I should have let you get that jacket. I should have watched things better and seen them following us. I should have…

"There are so many things I should have done that I didn't and I'm so sorry. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me – I hate myself. But, I'd rather you hate me here than wherever you are right now."

Tiredly, he let his head rest on the bed next to his sister's hand and cried heart-wrenching tears. "I don't care if you hate me, just come back to me. I just need for you to come back to me."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Come on, Snip. You've gotta eat."

The silent girl glared stubbornly at her brother as he held up a fork of something green. As he moved the utensil closer to her mouth, she pulled back and looked at him like he was some kind of monster.

"That's it! I'm sick of this!" Blair yelled as he threw the fork onto the plate. "We go through this every day lately and it's the same thing.

"You think I like having to almost force you to eat? You think I want to spend my time cramming vegetables down your throat instead of working on my papers and studying? No, I don't!

"Why are you suddenly giving me such a hard time? You weren't like this a couple of weeks ago. What changed?" Running his hands through his short hair, he sighed with frustration. "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"

No response.

"Fine. If that's the way you want to play, then that's the way we'll play it. You are going to eat what I've put down in front of you without any problems. I don't care if you haven't said a word in almost year! If you want anything different, you're gonna have to damn well tell me."

The fork was again raised and angry grey eyes warred with equally angry blue ones. Just as the food was about to touch her lips, an extremely raspy voice pushed out, "Cho-colate eyes cream."

Blair stunned, pushed his chair back from his sister and stared at her with widened eyes. "Schuy? D-did you just t-talk?"

Schuyler continued to glare at her brother and crossed her arms. "Cho-colate ice cream."

"Omigod. You did! You spoke." He moved back to the girl and lifted her twirling them both around the room. "Come on, Schuy, talk to me. Tell me I'm making you dizzy! Scream at me that you want to get down. Just talk to me!"

Having heard the noise from downstairs, Naomi hurriedly rushed into the room confused at what she was seeing. "Blair!" She yelled. "What is going on?!"

Sandburg delightedly whisked himself and his sister over to their mother and held the girl up so she was eye-to-eye with Naomi. "She spoke, Mom. I told her to tell me what she wanted to eat and she did! She told me she wanted chocolate ice cream." He couldn't contain his happiness. "She's finally back! Schuy's back."

"Blair. Blair!" Naomi tried to calm him as she shook her head, "I know you probably think she said something, but, baby, I don't…"

"Choco-late ice cream," the younger voice interrupted.

All colour drained from the woman's face as she stared at her child in disbelief. "What, sweetie?"

"I … want … choco-late ice cream." Schuyler managed as she smiled.

Naomi couldn't stop her hands from reaching out and running all over her baby's face as the tears she'd been holding until nightfall for almost a year finally cut loose in the day. "Oh, my precious baby! Oh my, sweet, sweet, baby." Taking them both in her arms, she laughed, "We've missed you so much. So much."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The door slammed and Blair's head jerked up at the sight and sound of a very furious Schuyler.

"You are so dead!"

"Uh, hi, Sis. How ya doing? Love ya too."

"Don't you even try that!"

"Try what?"

Schuy moved into his personal space and practically glared a hole in him. "The whole innocent act! I know what you did and I don't appreciate it!"

The elder Sandburg was really confused. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"This!" She answered as she threw a scrunched up piece of paper in his face. "How dare you do something like that!"

"Could you please hold off on the recriminations until I can catch a clue?" Once he was sure she wasn't going to rip his head off, he opened up the paper and read the opening statement. "So? What's the problem? You should be really excited about this. You've been accepted into Rainier."

"Maybe I would be if I had applied there, but I didn't so I'm not." With deadly calm, she asked, "You wouldn't just happen to know how I ended up on their list, would you?"

Blair began to squirm under the constant glare. "What difference does it make how you ended up there, it's still a great honour."

For a moment, Schuy was speechless in her fury, but that didn't last long. "I cannot believe you! You think you've done me this huge favour!"

"That's probably because I did!" Blair had finally reached the point where he wasn't too thrilled with her attitude. "Do you know how many favours I had to call in to get this done? Too many! I'm gonna be paying people back into the millennium!"

"Sounds like a personal problem to me cause I sure as hell didn't ask you to do it!"

"Well, excuse me for being a concerned brother and giving a damn where you end up. I was trying to make things easier for you and this is the thanks I get!"

"I never asked you to make my life easier!"

"Yeah, well, maybe you never did, but every other person on this god-forsaken planet did and if this is the kind of appreciation you show then maybe I shouldn't try any more!"

The fight left her. "Then maybe you shouldn't, Blair." Schuyler rubbed at her temples trying to soothe the massive headache that had taken up residence there ever since she'd checked the mail. "We're talking my life here. Did you ever think that I might want to go away? Did you ever think that I might want to make my own name at my own school? Did you ever think that maybe Rainier didn't offer the program I was looking at? Did you?" She turned and walked toward the window at the opposite end of the room. "Of course not. You just decided what was best for little Schuyler and what I wanted never entered into the equation."

"Probably because I thought you didn't know what you wanted. You'd never said anything before."

"So, what? Because I don't live, breath, eat something, I have no direction? Not all of us are so dedicated in our quests for our Holy Grail as you are, Blair."

"This isn't about me, Schuy!"

"Exactly. Glad to see we can agree on something."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Hello?"

"Umm, Naomi."

"Jim? Is that you?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry to disturb you, but I was kinda needing someone to talk to."

"Why? Has something else happened to Blair? Has he relapsed? When he called, he sounded fine – said I didn't need to come. Has something changed?"

"No. God, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to upset you. I just… This was a mistake. I'm sorry I called."

"Jim, wait! Please don't hang up! I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions. I've just had this feeling that Blair wasn't telling me everything about this Golden problem he had and then for you to call… Are you still there?"

"…Yeah, I'm here."

"What's wrong, Jim? I'm listening, now."

"I just needed someone to talk to and with all Sandburg had to deal with this stuff, I didn't want to add more onto him. When I was cleaning up the living room, I noticed he'd written your number down and… (Clearing of throat) I don't know what possessed me, but something told me to call."

"So, talk. I'm here… well, in a long distance sort of a way."

"Naomi, have you ever been afraid? I mean really afraid that you were going to lose something that was so much a part of you that just the thought could bring you to your knees?"

"Unfortunately, yes, several times."

"Well, I was there and for the first time in my life, it terrified me."

"It's okay. I'm here. Just let it out and let it go."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Hello?"

"(Tears) Mama?"

"Schuyler? Schuy, baby, what's wrong?"

"She's gone, Mama."

"Who's gone?"

"Ha-Hannah. He took her away. He took my (Gasp) best friend away from me."

"Honey, what happened to Hannah?"

"He killed her, Mama. (Falling apart) He thought it was me an-and he killed her."

"Schuyler, I want you to try calm down. I'm gonna call Berkshire and have him get me a flight and then I'm gonna be there with you just as soon as I can. Okay, baby? Mama's gonna get there as soon as she can. Just hold on a little bit longer and Mama'll be there."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Ellison!"

"Jim, this is Naomi."

"Uh, hi, Naomi. Blair's not here at the moment."

"I know he's not. That's why I'm calling. What's going on, Jim? Why aren't you with my son when he's obviously sick?"

"What do you mean Blair's sick? He was doing fine when I last saw him and Simon. They were on their way back to Cascade."

"I had a feeling something wasn't right with him and after I couldn't get an answer at the loft, I called your captain's number and someone told me he was taking a few days off to see about Blair. Detective Brown was nice enough to give me Captain Banks home phone number and that was when I found out what had happened."

"Simon took time off to see about Blair? Did he say how he was?"

"For some odd reason, Captain Banks just passed the phone straight to Blair. And all he would tell me was that he got sick from some water in a little town he and your captain tracked you down to and that he just hadn't gotten his strength back. But…"

"But what? He didn't say anything else?"

"No, but I could tell he wasn't feeling well over the phone. I offered to come down, but he said that wasn't necessary and that he was expecting you back any day now. That's when I decided to call you and find out why you let him come home sick while you were out fishing."

"Naomi, I didn't know that he was sick again. Last I saw of him, he seemed to be fine and when I offered him to stay he turned me down. (Frustration) This whole trip was just supposed to be a nice getaway for me – a time to relax. Then Simon and Blair showed up and the town was poisoned and we had to stop these money-grabbers and I swear he looked okay when they headed back down."

"(Taking several deep breaths) Okay, Jim, why don't you start from the beginning without leaving anything out. Maybe that way we can figure out this whole mess before you make it home."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Mom?"

"Blair?"

"Yeah, Naomi. How many other males call you asking for Mom? (Pause) Uh, knowing you and Bren, don't answer that."

"Okay, so did you call to malign my and Brenda's love lives or is this just a hello call? (Picking up on something) What is it, sweetie?"

"Are you really busy? I mean, so busy you can't come for a little visit?"

"No, of course not. I'm never too busy for you. Why? What's going on? Is something wrong with your sister? Jim?"

"Umm, there've been some problems."

"What kind of problems?"

"Hanley's back and it looks like, with a little help from the Cascade PD, he's back to his old tricks."

"What do you mean, 'with a little help from the Cascade PD?'"

"He somehow convinced them that he was a good cop trying to bring down a high-yield thief in the person of one Schuyler Sandburg and they in turn helped him get to her."

"Get to her?! Get to her how? Is she okay?"

"Physically, she's fine, but he really did a number on her place and … he even cut up her bear."

"Oh, god. (Taking deep breaths) You mentioned the CPD. Where was Jim when all of this was happening?"

"(A quiet sob) Right in the middle of it."

"Oh, Blair. I'm so sorry."

"Can you come? I think she… *we* really need you here."

"Of course, baby. I'll be there."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The door to the loft opened to the sound of laughter as the three younger people dressed in jeans, t-shirts and a layer of grime pushed their way into the big room followed closely by a beaming Naomi.

They had spent the day helping several of the divisions of the Cascade PD build houses for the homeless and, rather than spend the evening with the rest of the masses celebrating their deeds, had opted out and decided to come back to the loft and prepare dinner. Naomi had been rather grateful for that decision. Though she'd enjoyed the camaraderie of the day and the positive energies of a group of people doing something good for others, she still preferred the warmth and rightness of just being with her family.

They'd worked and played hard all day and none of the people working on their particular house had seemed to mind. In fact, all of Major Crimes had joined in on the playfulness to the point that when Jim and Megan had staged another one of their disagreements with Captain Banks – *Simon*, as he had told her repeatedly – mediating, Henry and Blair had sneaked up behind him and drenched him with the ice cold water from the cooler they'd been using. For about thirty seconds, the little group had been silent, but that all changed as the big captain chomped down on his sopping cigar and started laughing so hard he almost took out his pseudo-bickering detectives.

After that, the rest of the day had degenerated into a series of pranks that had Naomi playing mother to a bunch of supposed adults and separating a few of them to different projects. Was it any wonder she just wanted to sit and relax with her children?

Her children! Is that how she thought of all of them? As she gracefully relaxed in the yellow chair, her mind chose to focus on her feelings for the three in front of her busily preparing their meal.

Of Blair, there could be no doubt. Not only had he come from her body, but he had also come from her soul. In him, she saw the best parts of herself – the open-mindedness, the willingness to help others, the quest to learn, the love of life and the quiet strength. Blair had a way of softening the hardest heart and setting free the most caged soul. He had a way of convincing you that your curses were gifts and your friendship gold. Was she biased in how she saw her son? Of course not. In her eyes, he had always been her perfect joy, even when they didn't see eye-to-eye – *especially* when they didn't see eye-to-eye. She had raised him to be his own man and he had fulfilled all of her dreams. That wasn't bias; that was a knowledge that everyone should have about the people they loved and trusted.

Her eyes drifted to the now drenched Schuyler as the young woman glared at Jim who innocently held the sink-sprayer – somehow turned in her direction – in his hand. Schuy had been her little miracle from the time she'd heard of Kael and Leigh's deaths. The little girl had fought with an unbelievable strength just to survive after the accident and that strength had kept her going throughout her still young, but scary life. She had always had an abundance of love inside her and she bestowed that on every person who had the fortune of being in her tiny circle. Her love had remarkable properties of forgiveness, hope and healing that had been glimpsed at but never truly seen. Underneath all of the pain and hurt she'd had to endure, Schuy was the child of Naomi's spirit because she never gave up and she never stopped believing that deep down, there was some good in everyone.

As if he sensed the turn of her thoughts, Jim's eyes met hers and he offered her a devilish smile and a wink that Naomi couldn't help but return. What was he to her? Her children had claimed him as the older brother to look up to, seek guidance from and to draw strength and protection. The affection they held for the older man was clear in their eyes and in how they spoke of him and Naomi had taken all of that into account when she welcomed him into her small family. But how did she really see him? When she had first heard of his association with her son, she hadn't been too thrilled – actually, livid was a better descriptor. She and Blair had something of a disagreement over his new line of work, but she'd had to let it go. The next few meetings hadn't been so bad and slowly she had grown to care for her son's friend.

But that had all changed after what she considered "the call". Jim had sounded so vulnerable and scared that she had been tempted to catch a flight to help him, but she had resisted the urge on the basis that she really didn't know this man well enough to do something like that. After he had been able to talk about his feelings of possible loss (though he still wouldn't admit if they were due to his sight or partner), he had seemed to end the call on a happier and more relaxed note, unfortunately, he'd left Naomi in a state not even meditation had helped. *That was the moment,* her mind told her. *That was when I started to see him as something far more than Blair's friend. As soon as I realised Jim didn't have any type of biological family to depend on and talk to, I granted him a special place. That's when he became a child of my heart.*

"Mom? Dinner's ready." Schuyler called from the table as she set out the salad.

When she received no response, Jim walked over to Naomi and gently placed his hand over hers bringing her back from wherever she had gone. "Yeah, uh, 'Mom,' we're all set when you are."

Naomi hadn't missed the amused gleam in the detective's eye at his use of the title/endearment and she quickly decided two could play at that game. "Why thank you, *Son,* I appreciate your waiting dinner for me." She accepted the hand he offered and once she was standing, she ruffled the almost non-existent hair on his head. "You're such a *good boy*!"

As Schuy and Blair both cracked up, the elder Sandburg winked at the reddening Ellison and quickly made her way over to the table.

Oh, yes, she was looking forward to that night and spending time with her children – all three of them – and she hoped there would be more nights just like this in the future.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

As she looked down at the last of the re-placed pictures, Naomi couldn't stop the smile that crossed her face. The final photo was of her sitting on a makeshift bench grinning as her "kids" looked down at her.

While her fingers caressed all three of the smiling faces, a small tear cascaded down her face and onto the photograph. "No matter how bad things look right now, I have to believe everything's going to be fine." She paused as she remembered the last thing Schuy had said to her brother at the Centre before she headed to Japan. "Shiyoganai."

THE END!

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