Blessed Father

Email: sammi4@earthlink.net
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Series/Serial: Blessed Simon
Date completed: November 26, 1999

Okey-dokey. This is the second snippet (hey, anything under 20 pages computer is a snippet to me) in what I'm calling the Blessed Simon series. The first was Blessed Giver and does not have to be read to understand this one. But, you might want to read it to get the gist of the series. I promised Simon, the big teddy bear that he is, that these stories would show him in a different light than what most people write him.

Continuing my muse theme, no owies for our guys only a small tug on your heartstrings - Simonangst to be sure, maybe a little Jimangst as well. There is the death of an original character, but you really don't get to know the character. If you don't like a less gruff, more human Simon, then don't read this.

Disclaimer: If you recognise them from TV, I don't own them.
Feedback: Comments, kudos or criticisms. Flames will be spell-checked, grammar-checked and then sent back to you.

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Guiding his truck as quietly as he could to a stop several feet from his target, he watched patiently as his boss and friend stepped out of his car with a package and headed for the front door of a modest home. He noted fine details about the house and filed them away for later reference. You never knew when the smallest recalled item could come in handy.

For just a second, he felt true remorse for what he was doing, but then he shook those thoughts away and continued his surveillance. If this had been a normal situation, he wouldn't have ever thought of following Simon Banks. But this was not a normal situation.

For the last few weeks, his boss had been very distracted at work and leaving after normal business hours instead of his usual three or four hours over. Simon had seemed tired more often than not and there'd been a hint of sadness that surrounded his day-to-day routine. This had bothered Jim more as each day passed until finally he'd decided to find out what was wrong with his friend.

Which led him to where he was now - following Simon to an unknown location and planning on listening in to whatever was going on.

Settling himself in his seat for the long haul, he opened and extended his hearing to include the house. He found himself glad that this was a quiet neighbourhood cause if it hadn't been, he would have been in a lot of trouble without Sandburg. And, knowing his partner, Sandburg wouldn't have gone for this at all - the man still had hang-ups about invading other people's privacy.

Hearing Simon's knock, he focused on the sounds of the house and listened to what sounded like an older person - because of the slower pace and slower heartbeat - walk up to the door and look out the curtain. Jim could just make out the removal of several locks as the door was opened.

"Hello, Simon. How are you today?" An elderly female voice asked.

"I'm fine, Miss Martha." Simon's voice lowered as he entered the house and the door closed behind him. "How are you?"

"Oh, I can't complain. Here, let me take your coat." Jim could here the rustling of clothes and the opening and closing of an inner door. "There now, that's better. Would you like some tea or something?"

"I'd love some of your tea and judging by that delicious scent in the air, I'd say the something is your wonderful lemon cake. Did you bake that special for me?"

"Well, I do know how much you enjoy it and with everything you're doing for us, I thought it was the least I could do."

"Miss Martha, you're spoiling me, you know that don't you?"

"Sometimes it's good to be spoiled - makes us know we're appreciated." She hesitated for a moment before continuing, "And you are appreciated. These last few weeks would have been so much more …" The woman's voice trailed off into what Jim thought were soft tears.

"Oh, Miss Martha, I'm sorry." The rustling of clothes sounded like Simon had drawn the lady close to him in comfort. "I know it's been hard for you and I do wish I could make it easier."

The older woman sniffled. "You have, Simon. You have."

"How is she today? Any change?"

"No. At least nothing for the better. Dr. Esther came by this morning and tried to convince me to put Natalia back in, but I told him I couldn't do that. I told him if she was gonna …"

A shrill noise from the house had Jim pulling back his hearing and covering his ears from the pain. After several minutes of deep breathing and trying to get his dials back under control, he finally felt strong enough to open his eyes again. *Man, that was harsh!* Looking back towards the house, he had to shake his head. "Good thing Sandburg wasn't here or else I'd be hearing how that was poetic justice for eavesdropping."

Redirecting his hearing, he tried to pick up on Simon and the lady again, but all he could hear was a radio playing Top 40 hits from a room to the rear of the house. For all of five seconds, Jim debated on whether he should just leave considering what he'd heard hadn't seemed threatening to his boss. But his heart kept causing him to remember the sadness that surrounded his friend earlier in the day.

In no time at all, he was out of his truck and heading for the front door. He didn't have a real plan - nothing seemed dangerous enough to warrant it. He just wanted to know what was going on - to know what was hurting his friend.

Jim reached the porch and as he raised his hand to knock, praying that Simon would understand, the door opened. A woman of about seventy with grey-black hair and an easy smile stood in front of him and pushed on the screen door in welcome. "You must be Detective Ellison."

To say Jim was stunned would have been an incredible understatement. "Uh, yes, Ma'am."

"No, I'm not psychic, if that's what you're thinking. Simon felt you weren't too far behind him and asked me to let you in when you arrived. He also described you to a T." Miss Martha beckoned for him to enter. "It's all right, Detective. He didn't seem too angry."

"Angry? Why would you think I'd think he was angry?" Ellison asked as he walked in and closed the door behind him.

The woman chuckled, "Well, it could have something to do with that 'deer caught in headlights look' you have."

"Oh. Well, now that you mention it, I might have … possibly … totally unintentionally … um … followed him here."

"Of course." Miss Martha nodded in the direction of a long hallway with a brightly painted door at the end. "At least that's the story you'll tell him." Grinning, she helped him off with his jacket and hung it up in the closet next to Simon's. "Now, since I'm getting him some tea and cake, would you like some as well?"

Jim was kind of shocked to feel himself warm to the lady. Just in the few minutes he'd been there, he felt she was someone he could trust and rely on. Giving her his best Ellison smile, he nodded. "Yes, Ma'am. I think I'd like that."

"Good. I don't trust anybody who doesn't accept my hospitality. I mean, if I go to the trouble of offering, it's only right for a person to accept." Miss Martha's eyes twinkled as she patted his arm. "But, before I go back to my fixings, I'll take you to Simon. I'm sure he's wondering what I'm up to with you."

While Jim followed the woman down the hall, his senses took in the dιcor around him. Shiny cherry wood floors, walls and ceilings with a whiff of lemon oil let him know that the inside was lovingly tended. Maple wood furniture with homemade accents of quilts, doilies and cushions peeked out of the two rooms on either side of the long hall and handmade soft, stuffed toys overflowed a cedar chest off to the side of the door that they stopped in front of.

Miss Martha softly knocked and then turned back to her guest. "He'll be out in just a second and I'll be back with goodies before you know it. I just have to put on more tea water." With another smile, she headed back down the hall and turned out of his sight.

Small noises and the turning down of the radio alerted Jim that Simon was coming closer. Just as the knob started to turn, a frail female voice called out, "Daddy?"

Jim was stunned when he heard his boss respond and reassure the girl that he was just stepping out for a minute and would return shortly. Before he could recapture his composure, Simon was standing in the opened doorway, blocking his view of the room. "Hey, Jim," he greeted as he closed the door quietly. "I was wondering what was taking you so long."

"I … uh … was chatting with Miss Martha for a bit."

Simon smiled. "She is something else, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she is, but I think you fit in that category as well. How did you know I was here? I was careful to make sure you didn't see me. There's no way you could have."

This time his friend just smirked. "You forget, I was a detective *before* I became a paper-pusher. I didn't have to see you to know you were following. I saw you earlier in the bullpen watching me and I could tell the exact second when you resolved to find out what was going on with me. Didn't take a genius to know you wouldn't be too far behind today."

Jim shrugged in embarrassment. "Well, I was worried. You just haven't been yourself lately."

Simon looked back at the door and smiled sadly. "I know. I'm not angry. You were just being a friend and I can appreciate that."

"So, as a friend, what's going on? I thought I …" He took a deep breath and looked straight at his boss. "I heard someone in that room call you daddy. Is she … I mean, are you …?"

"No, I'm not."

"Then why…?"

"Her name is Natalia Portman. She's twelve years old and she's a dancer." A hint of wistfulness touched Simon's voice. "At least she was before the accident." He stopped for a moment to take several deep breaths. "Do you remember that really bad one a couple of months back? You know, the one where the 18-wheeler lost its load and it crushed all those cars? Well, Nat and her parents were in the third car."

"Oh, man. I saw the footage - it wasn't pretty."

"Yeah, well, imagine seeing it first hand. I was on my way home when I heard the call and I was one of the first people on the scene." He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "It looked like something out of a nightmare. It was obvious that no one survived in the first two cars, but I could just make out some movement in the third one. When I made it over to it, I could see the people in the front were dead and if I didn't actually see the girl in the back moving her arm and hear her crying, I would have believed she was gone as well. It was just that bad in there.

"I guess I kind of froze for a second at what I was seeing, but then I heard her cry out for something. I snapped back to reality and started working my way to her. She was pinned pretty much in the car and I couldn't get her out. I could just touch the hand that she'd been moving when I finally figured out what she was wanting - she was calling for her father."

Simon had to stop again and Jim could see the pain of that night clearly in his friend's eyes. Reaching out, he squeezed the taller man's arm in support.

"If you saw what I saw, you'd understand why I couldn't let that little girl die calling for her daddy. I didn't need a degree in medicine to know she probably wasn't gonna get out of that car alive, so I … grabbed that hand and told her I was there and that she was gonna be okay." His voice dropped down to a whisper. "I was just trying to help."

Another squeeze from Jim had him clearing his throat and continuing. "I stayed there for what felt like hours, just talking to her letting her know her daddy was there. The rescue team wasn't too happy about having to work around me, but they could see I was helping her so they didn't complain. Finally, they got her out and wrapped up enough to head to the trauma centre. I tried to pull away then cause I didn't want to be in their way while they were trying to save her, but she wouldn't let go. And if I'm honest, I didn't want her to let go.

"Again, the EMTs worked around me and, by the time we made it to the hospital, she was out. The hospital personnel thanked me for my part and told me they'd contact me with her status as soon as they knew something. I knew they were expecting me to go home, but I couldn't. I grabbed a seat and I stayed until finally somebody came out and told me how she was." Another sad smile. "They told me they'd done as much as they could for her, but they weren't holding out too much hope - there'd been too much damage. I guess I didn't want to hear that because I stood there and told that doctor that if she'd made it that far, she'd make it."

Jim smiled in understanding. "The Banks certainty shining through and proving them all wrong."

Simon shook his head as his face fell. "No, wishful thinking. She's alive, but not for too much longer."

"I don't understand."

"Nat's systems are shutting down on her. It's only a matter of time…" He stopped as his voice cracked on the last word. "Anyway, by the time she'd finally awakened, I'd been adopted by Miss Martha, her grandmother. She'd heard what I'd done at the scene and she'd seen how I'd been there every day after work and she decided that meant I was family." Simon chuckled to himself. "She had the hospital staff put me on the list and then she dared them to kick me out when I wanted to stay." He reached out and touched the door. "I was there when she awakened and I was there when they told us her prognosis. And her 'Daddy' is gonna be there when she takes her last breath."

"So, she doesn't know?"

The taller man shook his head as he lowered his eyes. "She's not … too aware of reality. They have her on so many medicines to kill the pain that I'm not even sure she's aware of any passage of time." A small noise in the room had Simon grinning. "Which makes it totally spooky how she knows when I'm around and not in attendance of her." He reached for the doorknob. "We'd better be getting back in there. I told her I wouldn't be gone too long."

Jim hesitated as he thought about what he might see in the room. "Are you sure you want me in there?"

"I'm sure. Besides, I already told her you were here and I have no intentions of going in there and telling her you're not. She may be sick, but she has these sad eyes that put Sandburg to shame."

"Oh, no, not another one with the eyes. We'd better get in there then. Wouldn't want to put you through that."

The two men quietly entered the room and Jim could understand Simon's comments about the girl being a dancer. Every space in the room had some type of dance memorabilia or dance equipment or dance poster in or on it. And in the middle of the dance chaos was a pink and white canopy bed surrounded by medical machines hooked up to a very frail little girl.

"Natalia," Simon intoned softly. "I'm back."

Dark, bruised eyes opened and a little smile signalled them to come forward. "What took so long, Daddy?"

"I'm sorry, princess, but I had to bring my friend in." As carefully as he could, Simon lifted the girl - mindful of the various tubes and monitors - and settled down with her in his arms. "You remember me telling you about your Uncle Jim, right?"

A blissful smile graced Jim as she focused on him. "Um huh. Hello."

"Hello, Natalia. That's a very pretty name for a very pretty little girl."

"Thank you. Did you come to see me or my daddy?"

"Nat," Simon playfully admonished. "What difference does that make?"

"Well, if he's here to see … me, then I … have to stay awake to … talk to him."

Jim had to smile at that, "Then I'm here to see your daddy. I would never want to keep you from your sleep."

Natalia yawned and then gave a little sickly cough. "Okay. It was nice meeting you then. Wake … wake me if you talk about … something interesting."

Simon settled the little girl more comfortably and kissed her forehead, "We will, princess." He waited for a few minutes until he was sure she was asleep and then looked up at his friend. "Why don't you grab a chair while we wait on Miss Martha? She shouldn't be too much longer. Nat will probably sleep for about thirty minutes and then wake up for her grandmother's goodnights and for me to read her a bedtime story." He looked down at the little girl with such love. "You can almost set your watch by her."

Grabbing the chair close to the door, Jim pulled it over closer to them and looked down at the child in his boss' arms. "I understand now why you're here, Simon."

The older man suddenly looked his age as he asked, "Do you?"

"Oh yeah, my friend. You couldn't be any where else." He touched Simon's arm and made a promise to the man with words, eyes and heart. "And from now on, you won't be alone either."

************

By the third week, the friends knew it wouldn't be too much longer and by mutual agreement decided to stay close throughout the night. Though the doctor tried to convince them their presence couldn't be known, neither was willing to leave. The first one wouldn't go because he knew his little princess could feel him there and it comforted her to have him near. The other wouldn't leave because he knew his friend needed him and he refused to let him down.

So, on that Thursday night of that third week, little Natalia Portman passed peacefully on surrounded by the love of her daddy, her uncle and her grandmother - with a smile on her face.

*************

On the front pew, Miss Martha sat in her Sunday best next to a very strong and solemn Simon. Every so often while the minister spoke, she'd lean over and whisper something to the man at her side that would cause him to smile just a bit and shake his head. No one else probably would have noticed this little routine if it hadn't been for the chuckling of the man on the other side of the police captain.

Jim couldn't understand how Simon was stopping himself from laughing at the comments Miss Martha was making about some of the people who had come. It was taking everything in him to not laugh outright at the older woman's remarks. Just when he'd get himself under control, she'd lean over and wax poetic about so-and-so's liberal misuse of makeup or the boob-job the sixty-year-old pianist had to entice the fifty-year-old minister and he'd be back in trouble.

Deep inside, he knew what she was really trying to do and in his own chuckling way, he was trying to do the same. They both were trying to break the wall Simon had built around himself when Nat had died. Though it sounded cruel, they knew it was the most humane thing they could do for their friend. Simon wasn't just hiding his bad emotions – he was hiding all his emotions and that wasn't good. So, Miss Martha had decided to become Gossip Central of Cascade and Jim was giggl… uh, chuckling at everything she said in the hopes of getting some type of reaction from the stone man. Unfortunately, neither was having much success.

The minister finally wound down and motioned to Miss Martha that it was her turn to speak.

Always the gentleman, Simon escorted the older woman up to the speaking area. The pseudo-pulpit had been set up off to the side of the floral draped table that had a picture of a smiling, healthy Natalia in the middle of it. Both Jim and Miss Martha noticed how the captain carefully avoided looking in that direction on his way up there and back. They could see how much he was hurting even though he gave nothing else away.

Waiting until Simon was seated, Miss Martha looked out at the small crowd nodding and smiling in thanks to each person there while she figured out what to say. When she finally reached the front pew, she seemed to focus on Jim just a tad more than she had any of the others and Jim could tell she had something planned. "How many of you here knew that Natalia wasn't my blood grandchild?" Several people there seemed shocked, including Jim, but she ignored that and continued, "I met Larry and Theresa two years before Natty was born and we just sort of adopted each other. We filled a void that had been missing in our lives and when Natty was born, our little family was complete.

"None of you here could imagine how hard it was for me to bury 'my son and my daughter' a little over two months ago. That day was harder for me than burying two husbands because you should never outlive your children. It probably would have been unbearable if not for two things – Nat needed me and Simon Banks."

Jim had moved closer to Simon when Miss Martha left, so he felt the shock course through his friend at that comment. He had noticed Simon focusing on a point on the wall behind the pulpit, but his boss' eyes were now fully on the woman speaking.

"I know I've told several of you about the young man who came through for me and my Natty, but I don't know if I explained how much of a lifesaver he really was." Miss Martha took a moment to meet Simon's eyes and it was almost like she was talking only to him. "For days after that horrible accident, I waited to see if Natalia would recover. All I could think about was she was all I had left. I was so close to climbing the walls, but I didn't because I was intrigued by the continued presence of what amounted to a stranger.

"This man didn't know us from Adam. He could have chalked us up as his good deed for the day after he saw I'd arrived, but he didn't. He was as bound to that hospital room as I was and that amazed me.

"I'd heard what he'd done for my granddaughter at the accident – I was grateful to him for that because she didn't have to be alone. The hospital staff couldn't wait to tell me how he'd been there the two days and nights while they'd been looking for me and how he hadn't left. They told me how he badgered the staff so that Natty would be well taken care of and how he wanted to know everything they were doing for her. After the police finally contacted me and I arrived, I saw myself how much he cared and I set about watching this 'stranger' love my granddaughter as if he really was her father.

"I watched him stay up all night with her, leave for work in the morning and return that evening without fail. I watched as just a simple word from the staff would have him dropping whatever he was doing to be with her. I listened to him talk to her for hours just so she could hear her 'daddy's' voice. And I heard him in the restroom - when he thought no one was listening - cry his heart out for what he was losing.

"Because of his kindness, to me he went from 'that man with Natalia' to 'Simon, Natty's other daddy' in the space of a week and by the end of the second week, he had a place in my heart every bit as special as Larry."

Miss Martha's eyes returned to the crowd. "When I invited you to this memorial, I told you this wasn't going to be a mourning party. Yes, this loss was a tragedy – Natalia did have so much ahead of her. I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't going to miss how her smile could lighten my worst days or miss how her dancing was truly a gift from God.

"But know that I'm not lying when I say I'm not mourning her passing. Natty's at peace and she's happy. Her last few weeks gave her that peace and it gave me a chance to say my goodbyes in a way that I didn't have with her parents. Instead of hard weeks of pain like everyone expected, we had laughter and love and joy in our house. And, I know that neither of us would have had that time, if it hadn't been for our one special 'stranger' who came to mean so much to both of us."

The woman smiled at Natalia's friends and teachers, "Thank you all for being there for Natalia – I know she appreciated each and every one of you. And, thank you for coming today – it means so much to *us*. Take care all and God bless you."

****************

As the front door of the church closed for the last time, Miss Martha dropped down beside the quiet men. "God knows I appreciate them coming, but did they have to stay this long?" She kicked off her shoes and sighed. "My feet have been aching since I got up and spoke and now they're promising me retribution for not listening to them back then."

"I'll fix you a foot bath when we get back to the house," Simon offered distractedly.

Miss Martha smiled and patted his arm. "You're a good man, Simon Banks."

Jim pouted playfully and batted his lashes, "You never offered to fix me a foot bath."

"You don't wear support hose and heels."

"To get a foot bath, I would. Wouldn't be too much different from my first week in Vice. Captain Raymond had me on the drag circuit and I had to learn how to walk in a mini, gartered hose and stiletto heels." Jim frowned. "I think I still have the heels somewhere at the loft."

"Oh God," Simon choked as he started to laugh. "I'm gonna have to ask Raymond if he has any surveillance photos of that time. Can you imagine the bullpen's reactions to you in drag? They wouldn't get any work done for laughing so hard cause I don't think you'd make too hot of a woman."

Though Jim replied with a sniff, "I didn't and that's why you'll never get your hands on those particular beauties," inside, he was congratulating himself on making a dent in Simon's wall.

He was still applauding himself when he heard the change from laughter to tears from his boss. Surprised at the suddenness, Jim could only watch helplessly as Miss Martha gathered Simon to her.

"That's good, Simon. Let it out, son. I know it's been tearing you up inside and it's good to just let it go. Let it go, dear heart. Just let it go," the woman crooned.

Though it seemed like hours before the tears started to abate, it was only a few minutes. Finally, a very hoarse Simon pulled a little away from the woman and asked, "Why did you do that earlier? This was supposed to be your goodbye to Natalia, not some praise service of me."

Miss Martha wiped some of the tears from the dark skin and kissed his soft cheek. "I said my goodbyes to Natty at the house. I didn't need to say any more here. Today was for me to introduce you to everyone and let them know what a wonderful present my Natty gave me."

Simon sat back for a bit just thinking about what the woman had said and a few more tears glided down his face. "You know those last few minutes I had with her, she made me feel so special. I went in knowing that it was the last time and I figured she'd have no idea I was in there." A little sad smile. "But she had me fooled. As soon as I sat, she opened those beautiful brown eyes and nailed me to the spot and, before I could say anything, she told me, 'Thank you for being my Daddy and loving me like you really were.'"

Jim closed his eyes trying to contain the emotions those softly spoken words had evoked, but Miss Martha nodded at him with a lot of love. Taking a deep breath, he squeezed his friend's arm in understanding and smiled shakily, "That was some kid you found yourself with."

"Yeah," Simon agreed as he released a healing chuckle. "And wasn't I the lucky one for finding her."

Fin

Dedicated to Miss Natalia Abbott, 1987-1999. Love ya, Miss Stuff, and miss you.