And to Think It All Started with a Baseball by Sammi M.
"So, I take it neither of them responded in the manner we hoped."
"Got it in one." The exasperated woman plopped rather ungracefully onto the sofa. "Blair gave me this totally innocent look that I haven't seen since he was five and then he went down to play pool with Joel and Rafe and Schuyler lost whatever little she'd managed at lunch and headed for a 'conference' with her staff." She growled shocking her companion. "You know I am normally a firm believer in 'detaching with love' but sometimes with those two, I just want to " She took a few deep breaths. "Maybe, *I'm* wrong. Maybe there are no bad feelings there and I'm just seeing things."
"You're not seeing things; I picked up on stuff too."
"But was it a strain between them or because of the situation?"
"Did either of them mention the other while you were with them?"
She thought for a moment, "No."
"Then it's them. For either of your kids *not* to mention the other within any conversation, there has to be something wrong." Jim shook his head as he remembered the blow-up he'd "heard" at the Centre. After Blair's final words to his stunned sister, both had entered the RV like nothing had happened. The detective almost believed *he'd* imagined what he'd heard until Schuy excused herself to the tiny office in the back and locked the door.
Jim had tried to talk to his partner about what was going on, but in true Sandburg fashion, the younger man had said nothing was wrong and set about entertaining the rest of the group. Ellison didn't like the way things seemed to be going so he did the only thing he could he enlisted Naomi in his campaign. He'd hoped she'd get to the bottom of this so the feeling of his "family" being out of whack would disappear, but that didn't look like it was going to happen.
"I just wish I knew what was going on with them."
Here was his chance. "I kind of got the impression Blair might have been jealous of Schuy stealing his spotlight."
"What makes you think that? Has he said anything like that to you?"
"No, it was just from a couple of things he did and how I caught him looking a few times."
Naomi sighed, "Well, if that's it, I can't say that I'm not happy about it."
"What?"
"It's an honest-to-god emotion. It would be how normal people would feel in this type of situation." She caught his surprised look. "I'm not saying Blair isn't normal, but even you have to admit a lot of his reactions are different. I've actually had people ask if he was human because of his way of looking at things. And though he talks constantly, he very seldom tells you what's going on inside of him.
"When he was at the Centre, he hid how he was feeling from both Schuy and me because he didn't want us to know what he was going through. He'd laugh when I know he wanted to cry and he'd play with his sister when his eyes would practically be screaming with pain. You don't know how many times I hoped he'd show his true feelings and let us in. But, no matter what I'd say, he wouldn't let us see what he was going through at least not until the end and that was just because he didn't have the strength to hide it even if he wanted to.
"So, if he is jealous, then good. I'm not thrilled that he's taking it out on Schuyler, but "
"At least you know what he's feeling."
The older woman smiled sadly, "Life can be really twisted, can't it?"
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@"Now, tell me again why we can't stay the night in our own suite?" Blair asked as his partner ushered him into the main room.
"I just thought this would give us a little time to clear the air without worrying about disturbing Simon and Daryl."
"Clear the air about what?" For just a second, confusion was visible on the younger man's face until a sudden understanding came over him. He shook his head. "Even after I said something to her, she ran straight to you. I can't believe her." Turning to his friend. "So, what did she run and tell 'Big Brother' I said?"
"If you're referring to Schuy, I haven't seen her since we left the RV for dinner."
"Then what do we need You listened in didn't you?" Seeing him nod. "Man, why? There wasn't any immediate danger. No stalkers with grudges lurking around the corners. We were perfectly safe so why the listening factor?"
Jim took a seat on the sofa and looked up at his friend - pleading with his eyes for him to tell him what was wrong. "Because I was worried. You hadn't seemed like yourself for most of the day and you seemed to be avoiding her like the plague which is not your style at all." He shrugged. "So, I listened hoping you'd open up. Boy was I surprised when you opened up *about* her and not *to* her."
"Why were you surprised? Since you listened, you should know why I had to speak up."
"I heard what you told Schuy, but it was almost like I was listening to another person. I couldn't believe *you* believed that."
Blair joined his comrade on the sofa and shook his head. "I'm not totally blind, you know. I do catch a few things every now and then. And her actions were obvious."
"Yeah, she was obvious, but I don't think in the way you believe."
The younger man chuckled, "I seem to recall a similar conversation between us not too long ago only we were on opposite sides. Pretty bizarre, dontcha think?" When Jim didn't answer, he went on. "Look, I know you don't understand and I'm not sure I can explain. All I can say is "
He was interrupted by a knock on the door which startled both men. Jim quickly made his way over knowing exactly who was waiting on the other side. "Hey," he offered as he pulled it open.
Sad, angry eyes greeted him. "I should have known this was a set-up, but I thought you were above that. When I heard his voice, I came *so* close to just turning and going back downstairs."
"Why didn't you?"
"I just knew you'd find some other way to get us together and I'd rather get it over with now." Schuy leaned to look around the larger man. "Judging by the expression on his face, I take it this is as much a surprise for him as it is for me." She gave him a slight nod. "You're braver than I thought. You only have to worry about me on occasion; you live with him and he's no fun when he's pissed."
Jim turned so that she could enter and directed her toward the sofa as he closed the door. "Which is why I brought you two together." He joined them in the main room. "I don't like what I'm picking up from you guys. If there was one thing I could rely on, no matter how bad the day, it was the Bobsey Twin magic you wove. This," he encompassed the distant two, "is unbearable and intolerable. I refuse to watch it."
"Then don't. You don't want to see us at odds, don't watch us or listen in on our conversations or monitor our heart rates." Blair stood. "Pretend like we're strangers in how we deal with each other so that our actions won't bother you. Just do something because this isn't going to be solved by a few words!"
"You make that sound like it's the easiest thing in the world, Blair, but it's not. You guys are my family and that's how I think of you. No amount of *pretend* is going to change that."
"Okay, then come up with something else because I don't think there's anything you could say or do that's going to change how I feel right now."
Schuyler moved closer. "And how do you feel right now?"
"I am so You know, when you warned him I'd be pissed, you called the right emotion just not the right person it'd be directed towards."
"So, lay it on me. I'm sure that little episode earlier was only the tip of the iceberg."
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. I think we should just chalk it up as a mistake and figure out something else to do," Jim reasoned as he tried to stand in between the siblings.
"No." The younger Sandburg stopped him from blocking her view and moved until she was directly facing her brother. "I want him to just cut loose. Let it all out. I want him to tell me every last thing I've done just so I'll know."
Dark blue eyes locked with storm grey ones. "You sure about that?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." She threw out the challenge. "So, tell me, outside of breathing, what have I done?"
"Now, there's a prime example. 'Outside of breathing!' You can't even challenge somebody without going for the sympathy vote. I just bet good old Jim's heart nearly melted as soon as the words registered." He snorted. "I don't think you even realise when you do it anymore. It's such a natural part of the whole tragic persona that it's just right there."
"Chief, I don't "
"No, she wanted to hear it, then she's gonna hear it. If you don't want to, then go. We can talk when I can get back down." He watched his friend until the older man nodded for him to go on and took a seat close but not in the centre of the action. "Okay." He took a step away from Schuy and then returned his gaze to hers.
"Contrary to what you seem to believe, none of this is about you. This is about what I went through when I was here before. I almost died, Schuy! I've had some close calls since, but death was right there. I could feel it all around me and it scared me more than anything else ever has. But, I couldn't give into that because I had to think about you. I made that stupid promise to always take care of you and watch out for you and that meant I couldn't " He ran his hands through his hair. "I hurt in places I didn't even know existed and I felt like I puked three lifetimes away, but I hid all of that for you because I didn't want you scared."
She wiped angrily at the tears that were falling. "You think I didn't know about any of that? I mean think about it! I could *hear* you when you were sick and I could see what it was doing to your body! More than anyone else, I could *see* exactly what was happening. I probably kept up with every pound you lost better than Robyn!"
Blair continued as if he hadn't heard her. "All I could think of was making sure you were okay. I worried about Mom but I knew she was big enough she could take care of herself, but you were so little and I'd promised. I hated when you cried after I was really sick because you looked like someone was taking away your soul."
"That's because they were." In the tiniest of whispers, "They were taking away you."
"I couldn't let you see how bad it was, so I played and I laughed and I hid it." He cleared his throat. "After I got better, I tried to forget all of that and I thought I had, but When I set foot on the grounds for the concert, it was like it was waiting. I saw me in all those kids' faces and it was like the pain was back.
"Even though we talked that night, I couldn't shake the feeling. I wanted so much to tell you, but I could see how much it had affected you too. So, I ignored it again for your sake." Taking a deep breath. "Somehow, I convinced myself that it would be a lot better in the morning and for a little while, it was. Having everybody there when I had to go in made things feel really good. Whenever stuff would get to be a little daunting, I'd just look up and Jim'd smile or Simon would wink or Henry would make some oddball comment and it would be enough.
"But, then you started and my support structure suddenly became yours and I didn't have anything to keep the stuff away." The anger returned. "I needed them, but they were too busy worrying about you." Looking up at the ceiling. "The one thing I had counted on was my friends being there if it should get rough," he glared at her, "but they weren't because they were focused on you.
"Why, Schuyler? Why'd you have to play the damsel here? Why couldn't you let me be taken care of like I needed? Hadn't I sacrificed enough for you all the other times?" The girl shuddered and lowered her head and just for a second, Blair softened - but only for a second. "You couldn't even allow me joy in my reunion with Becky. Almost from the time you saw her, you were shooting daggers at her. You didn't give her a chance to make things right not that she needed to. You just froze her out until she wasn't even comfortable in her own place. I know she didn't finish the briefing because of your attitude, but that wasn't enough. You just had to chase her down and get your own back for something that happened so long ago only you still find it important." Catching her startled look. "Oh yeah, I saw her face when you were heading back to the RV; that look left me no doubt of what you'd done."
"Blair, I "
"I don't want to hear it. Even if you felt justified in whatever you said to her, it still wouldn't make me any less angry. She helped me back then she tried to make me feel better. I could show her how I really felt and she'd be strong for me. I owed her for that, but I didn't get a chance to make it up to her because you were playing the wronged heroine and making her out to be some type of monster." He shook his head. "I don't know how I'm gonna face her tomorrow. I don't know if she'll even want to see me after today all because of you.
"You asked me earlier how I felt and I didn't get the chance to tell you. Well, right now, I am so very angry with you that I almost can't see straight, but I'm also sick and tired." Spearing her with his eyes. "I'm sick of having to be the one in control all of the time and of having to shield you from everything. I'm sick of having to take care of you and ignoring what *I* need ... and I'm tired tired of being the strong one while you fall apart."
Schuyler swallowed back the rest of the tears that threatened to join the rivers she'd already shed and took a deep breath. "So, essentially, you're sick of me." She waited and hoped for some type of denial, but none came. "Okay. Well, it would seem that I've kind of worn out my welcome, so I'd better be getting back d-down downstairs. Big day to-tomorrow." She lowered her head and her whole body seemed to quake. "I guess I'll see you guys in the the morning." Turning to leave but stopping. "For what it's worth to you," her voice cracked as she whispered, "I'm sorry for everything."
For several seconds after the door closed behind her, Jim sat stunned at what he'd heard. He couldn't for the life of him believe what he'd just witnessed and it took hearing the call for the elevator to shake him out of his reverie. Without thought, he jumped out of the chair and headed out of the room only stopping when he was in front of Schuy at the elevator. He reached his hand out feeling her trembling before he even touched her. "I know this is going to sound stupid, but are you okay?"
The girl looked up at the ceiling with watery eyes and sighed. "Mom talked to me before I came up. She told me what you guys had talked about and explained what you had come up with. She asked me if I ran into him to just let him She said he really needed to expel some emotions." Giving him a sad smile. "I'd say he got a lot of stuff off his chest, wouldn't you?"
"You know he didn't mean it. He adores you."
"Yeah, well, it should be pretty ... obvious how much I care about him. I wouldn't have let anyone else s-say those things to me." Whispering. "But then, I don't think it would hurt so much if anyone else had said them."
The elevator arrived and Jim tilted her head so that their eyes met. "Do you need me to go down with you?"
She squeezed his hand and shook her head, "No, but thanks anyway. I think I'm just gonna go and take a nice, long hot shower and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a full day." Stepping into the elevator. "Besides, you're going to have your hands full. I think he really needs someone to talk to and you're the best person for the job." Her face started to fall. "He needs you."
As the doors closed, the detective could just barely make out, "Take care of him for me." He waited for several seconds watching the numbers slowly descend before returning to the room and closing the door. Jim walked back into the main room and found his friend sprawled on the couch bonelessly almost like a puppet without any strings.
"I'm surprised you came back so quick. I would have thought after all that, she would have finagled at least an hour of hand-holding and general soothing out of you."
"Well, it looks like you were wrong again, Chief. Schuy didn't ask for any of that."
"What? No telepathic signals? I thought with how tuned in you were to her every need, words would be redundant."
"Yeah, maybe, but somebody else needed me more."
"For what, a scolding? No matter what you say, I'm not going to feel bad about what I said."
"I wasn't going to scold you. You said what you felt like you needed to say. I can't hold that against you. I *won't* hold it against you." The larger man gently nudged the smaller body aside as he sat next to him. "But, after hearing that little tirade, I do think you need to talk." Just as gently, he placed an arm around his friend and pulled him closer. "Come on, buddy. Tell me everything you've been feeling since you got here. I'm all ears and we've got plenty of time before morning."
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